Blog challenge day 24

Today's topic: my family dynamic as a child v. my family dynamic now.

I come from what some would call a "broken home," meaning that my parents were divorced and/or remarried to other people. But after I turned 6, my home wasn't completely broken anymore. We were saved.

Even still, as a girl, I dreamed about what most girls dream about: the big poofy dress, the prince whisking me away, and us having a hundred kids and living happily ever after.

That was, at least, my end dream. I had dreams in between, but that would be the ultimate.

It's funny how dreams change.

Today, about a year and some change after being married, I do still dream of having kids, but only two. My wedding wasn't like the one I had always dreamed of, but my "prince" was. I think THAT'S what matters...not how you get married or what you wear or where it is, but who the person is that you're exchanging vows with. I don't believe in divorce for myself, so I made sure that I hit a home run the first time around.

Next topic: If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?

Merry Christmas Eve, ya'll!

Blog challenge day 23

Alrighty folks...my top five hobbies and why I have them...

In no order, of course...

It was sort of hard for me to think of five things outside of work that I like to do because I am so invested in my career. lol but here they are.

-Reading. I love reading, I always have. Why? So many reasons, but mostly because reading keeps the mind sharp. We learn things about ourselves through the characters that we build in our minds that live in these books. Whether fiction or non fiction, there is always something to take away. My husband says I don't do it enough and he's so right, unfortunately. But, I love it.

-Helping animals. Why? I shouldn't have to explain this one, but I will. Not only do they depend on us because they cannot speak for themselves, but there is something soothing and satisfying about showing them that you care and seeing it in their face that they understand. Animals are so underestimated, they are much smarter than humans give them credit for.

-Cooking. I try to be inventive, but I usually settle for simple things because I don't feel like cooking big things when I get home from work. But it's fun.

-Writing. I used to write for my college newspaper and fell in love with journalism in doing so. Since I've been out of school, I've unfortunately let my creative outlets be put on the sidelines. But honestly, I'm disappointed with todays media. When I was writing for the paper, of course we had to keep what we wrote relavent to the school, but it was what people actually needed to know...not which celebrities are getting divorced or what they're naming their babies...at the end of the day no one should care about that. There are bigger problems in the world...hell there are SMALLER problems in the world that render more importance than that.

-Lastly...and I gotta warn ya'll that this may be TMI (Sorry Josh)... but I love sex. Let me make one thing clear. I love sex with my HUSBAND. I'm a one man woman and I take that very seriously. But I think it's an amazing thing to know that what we're doing (and having fun doing it) will someday make a baby...create a life, a family.

So there ya'll have it. I would love to hear your thoughts. I do have more hobbies than those, but outside of work, that's what takes up my time. :) What are some things that you all like to do? What are some good books you've read lately?

Stay tuned for the next topic: Describe your family dynamic of your childhood v. your family dynamic now.

Blog challenge day 22

Hello again! I am officially on leave until the 27th of this month! It's about time, I am super excited. I want to finish up this challenge before I go back to work, because I'm afraid that once I get back I won't have time.

Just a quick update before I start the next challenge topic. I am still a BMSN, didn't pick up third nor did I get capped. I was told that I was selected to get capped (which for you civilians is basically a surprise from the captain that means you are automatically, effective immediately, made and paid for the next pay grade) but unfortunately the higher ups changed their minds because someone got a big award. Oh well. I can't talk about it because it gets me upset, and not in a good way. There are some things I can't change and I'd rather not dwell on them.

Alright, so back on track. The challenge is where do I see myself in 5, 10, 15 years. Bear in mind this is going to be mostly from a professional standpoint. Here we go!

Five years from now puts me at 30. I will be in my second enlistment with the USN, on shore duty (I hope) with one, maybe two kids. Before the navy I always said I'd have all my kids out before thirty...but it's funny how someone more powerful than us can up and change the plans we have for ourselves. But I can say that I will definitely have at least one child by this time, well on my way to being a BM1.

Ten years from now, I will be 35. I will be almost 12 years into the Navy, hopefully a Chief, and I will be done having children. Still happily married though.

Fifteen years from now, I will be almost retired. A BMC or BMCS (senior chief) thinking about my next career move and where we would like to all settle down.

Stay tuned for the next topic: My top 5 hobbies and why I have them.

PS....can ya'll BELIEVE that 2013 is almost gone?! This year flew by!

Blog challenge day 21

If I could have one superpower, what would it be and what would I do with it first?

Hmm.

To fly?
Or be invisible?

I honestly can't choose between those two. If I could fly, I would go back to Washington state.

If I could be invisible, I would be a fly on the wall at work & other places so I could hear what people talk about behind closed doors. But on the other hand, I don't really care. haha.

So it's cliche, it's simple, but that's sort of what I am.

Stay tuned for next time: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?

Blog challenge day 20

Today's topic: three significant memories from my childhood.

Let's fast forward from my birth, October 22, 1988, until I was 6 years old. There are a lot of painful memories in that time period that I don't care to remember, including, sadly, my very first one.

One that I am particularly fond of, however, took place in the house I was living in. My mom was about to leave her second husband, and a plumber had come over to fix the pipe under the sink because it was leaking. I didn't know it at the time, but this man was her boyfriend. I asked her when he left if he was coming back...when she said yes, I said, "he's cute!" haha my mom never lets me live that one down.

Another one I am fond of is meeting my first best friend, Eryn. We were in first grade, I was new to the area, and she was incredibly nice to me. We clicked right away. We were close all through the years, even past high school. We are states away now, but keep in touch through facebook. I love technology for being able to keep us (and of course my other friends) in touch.

Lastly, all the times that my step dad and I would be outside all day taking care of the animals, building things, and listening to baseball on the radio. He'd tell me stories of what it was like growing up how and when he did, and what it was like serving in 'Nam...it was so cool to hear stories like that.

Stay tuned for the next topic: If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?

Blog challenge day 19

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be and why?

D and I already have a plan for this. When I get out of the navy (19 more years, lol) we want to move to somewhere like Montana, Idaho, or Washington, and open a senior dog care center/ranch, and have them either live out their days with us or be adopted. I want horses too. :)

I want to live somewhere safe, where I can keep my doors unlocked at night and know i'll be okay. I want to be somewhere close to school for my kids, somewhere I know they will get a proper education.

But at the same time, I want isolation/privacy. On a lake. With nature. With family. With love. I don't like the city life...I prefer quiet nights with an open sky full of stars.

Topic for next time: three significant memories from your childhood.

Blog challenge day 18

Today's challenge has been in the back of my mind for a few days now, and it's time to put it out there. If you've forgotten, the question is, what is the most difficult thing you have had to forgive? A couple of things come to mind, but I think the one thing that burns the most is the one thing I haven't completely forgiven yet. Does that still count? If it's a work in progress that may never be resolved, can it still be considered? It doesn't seem right, but really I can't think of anything else that was too hard to forgive. A few examples, before I get to the juice...

My fathers suicide. Forgiving him and myself was hard. I blamed myself for YEARS because I didn't call him on Christmas (he committed suicide two days later). I thought maybe if I had, he'd still be here. Working through the pain and realizing that there were a lot more issues was a tough one to accept, I'll admit that. And of course I was upset at him...we were just getting things going! How DARE he do that! But as I've gotten older and gotten to know all different kinds of people I've realized that even the ones who put on the strongest face suffer on the inside sometimes. I know that there were things going on internally that maybe I'll never fully comprehend and I can't blame him for those things. Accepting those things made it a little a lot easier to forgive.

Things that happened in my childhood that I will not put out there. All I will say is that it's in the past, and I will have a better childhood when I have children of my own. No one should go through what my siblings and my mom went through. The past is the past, and I am better for it.

Friends that I have lost for absolutely no reason...or at least none that were given to me. Honestly, I don't have time to save something that does not want to be saved.

Alright, the meat and potatoes.

Her.

She has said and done things that no one should say and do. She has brainwashed him to the point of no return and completely transformed him into a different person. I would not recognize him if I ran into him today. Does it hurt? Yes, it absolutely breaks my heart. But, I have people in my life now how genuinely care for my well being and that helps me not constantly think about it. This goes back to the idea of my childhood in a way, because I vow to have my children close in age and raise them to believe that family is absolutely everything and if you meet someone along the way who tries to change that perspective, they are wrong...and if you fall for it, shame on you. I can't wrap my head around how he's easily so...manipulated. Sure, I'm submissive by nature too, but I would never completely disown those who sheltered me for...well, my entire life!

Part of me wants to say forget it, let it go, all is forgiven...except I've been down that road before.
Some things never change.
Which is why it's so hard to forgive. It's still too soon for me to say it. As much as I would love to, to have his daughter in my life, to know her life...I cannot do it because of the woman he sleeps next to. So instead of gaining a new member of my family, I lose three.

Worth it?

I don't know. As mean as it sounds, I'm still alive and I'm doing alright. That's not to say I don't think about him everyday and would love to write her telling her exactly what's on my mind...but I know how she operates, I know that she always has to be right so it would do no good.

So I go on living. I have my amazing husband, my best friend in WA, and amazing shipmates who help me through the best and worst of times.

This has been the most difficult thing I've ever had to (try to) forgive.

Next topic: If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?

Blog challenge day 17

Today's topic: Describe the thing you wish you were most great at.

Wow, so many things come to mind. I wish I could be a better debater. I wish I could be wittier. I wish I could be a better swimmer. I wish I knew how to bake. I wish I could sew.

People say you are your own worst critic. That is sooo the case with me!

I guess to narrow it down for the purpose of this blog topic, I wish I was most great at creativity. That way i could put it into every aspect of my life - cooking, decorating, baking, cleaning, etc. I'm okay at it right now, but there is always room for improvement. :)

Stay tuned. Next topic is: What is the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?

Blog challenge day 16

Today's topic. 5 greatest accomplishments:

-Getting my associates degree. Not only am I the first in my family to do it, it made me feel like I sort of knew where I was going in my life. Little did I know that I would be thrown a whole different curveball, but I'm okay with that! It has put me ahead in my Navy career and I'm thankful for that.

-Joining the military. Sure, I have bad days and I have great days. But no matter what, I start each day with a new, positive attitude and I try to rub that off on my peers. I'm not always successful but hey, at least I'm happy. :) I didn't join to be a boatswains mate either, but there is so much that I can learn from it and do everyday, that it's not a bad gig.

-Getting married. Okay, so I didn't marry my high school sweetheart like I always wanted to. But that's because I didn't have one. Derek re-entered my life six months after we graduated high school and we have been untouchable and inseparable ever since. I won't bore you with the details of my fairy tale, but I'm blessed and happy and to me, that's all that matters.

-Getting a NAM. In military lingo, that's a Navy Marine Corps Achievement Medal. People don't usually get it until the end of their tour, and if they get it before that, they have to do something pretty damn spectacular to get it...my efforts during our biggest inspection, INSURV, (don't ask what that stands for) definitely earned me the right to get one. If I could, I would give everyone in my division one, because we all worked our asses off.

-Only having three jobs prior to joining the military. I have always been a commitment girl. I hold on to what I love. I worked in a casino, at an Olive Garden, and at a Holiday Inn Express before I signed a contract with the worlds greatest Navy. I pride myself on that because most people go from job to job and i know a lot of employers don't like to see that. On the other hand, some like to know that people are "experienced." Oh well, I'm proud of it regardless.

Stay tuned next time: Describe the thing you most wish you were great at.

Blog challenge day 15

Today's challenge: if you were an animal, what would you be and why?

This is actually hard! But that's mostly because I love all animals and I am indecisive. I guess though, if I could be any animal, I would be a dog.

They are misunderstood.
They are way smarter than they are given credit for.
They are incredibly forgiving.
They are protective.
They depend on us for food and water (unless they are forced into unfortunate circumstances).
They love to cuddle and think they're lap dogs no matter how big they are!

At least my dogs are. So if I could be a dog, I would want to be a direct reflection of them...because they are the best! :)

Tomorrow's challenge: What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?

Blog challenge day 14

Five strengths.

1. I see the potential in people and I have a lot of faith in them, even when things around the world get really hard.

2. I am full of passion.

3. I am great at multi tasking, and I love doing it.

4. My friends, family, and my husband are my strength. I don't have a lot of friends, but the ones I do have are amazing.

5. I am forgiving. This could also be a weakness, I suppose, but I choose to view it as a strength because life is too short to hold a grudge forever. If I forgive and move on, even if I don't get what I want out of it, then it makes me a better person.

Blog challenge day 13

Good evening ya'll. Today's topic is all about 5 of my weaknesses. Let's get started!

-I am horrible at standing up for myself. I am not good at witty comebacks, and I always think of the best/right thing to say long after things happen.

- I am still really gullible! I will believe someone based on their experience rather than fact checking for myself!

- I doubt myself. My self-confidence is super low and I always think the worst of myself instead of the best. (ie swimming...I know I could do it if I really tried, but I always have the wrong attitude about it.)

- I'm more hypocritical than I want to admit. For example: I want to be the wife who can do it all: work a full time job, keep the house clean, and raise kids, but yet I don't want to put fourth the effort...I want the dishes to do themselves and the house to clean itself.

Lastly, I depend too much on technology. One of these days I'm gonna not use my phone for a week, then a month, then...

Stay tuned for tomorrow's topic: 5 of my strengths.

Blogger challenge day 12

Today's topic: a typical day in my current life

Let me start out by saying that nothing about my daily life is normal or typical. Every day is something new. We have a plan of the day everyday, and certain things that happen ship wide everyday (ie sweepers) but for our division, nothing is the same.

Let's see. Typically, we get right to work right around 0800. We do anything from busting paint and other topside preservation to deep cleaning our spaces. Maintenance happens for those who are qualified and on the team. Inspections happen a lot, too...we are always in a training cycle of some sort (usually those are more ship wide than division specific).

From 0800-1100 we are working on the above activities. Once 11 hits, we are in the line for lunch. BMs are the type that don't always get a full lunch so we like to be first in, first out. Lunch usually runs from 11-1230. We have been able to take a full lunch, but sometimes if we want an early day we will cut lunch short to get work done.

After lunch we are back at it, but this time its through training. We either have divisional training or what is called ESWS. ESWS (enlisted surface warfare specialist) is a pin that you get once you complete a PQS (personnel qualification standard) and go through a first class board and chiefs board. People who are ESWS qualified are usually shit hot...or at least they think they are. ;)

Depending on what else is going on, we are off work anywhere between 1400-1700. Since we are nearing the end of our yard period, it will unfortunately be leaning toward the later side of the evening. Once the new year hits we will be spending a lot more time at sea.

So there you have it! Isn't my life fun?! haha. Tune in next time for 5 of my weaknesses.

Blog challenge day 11

As promised, today's challenge is about 10 of my pet peeves! Let's get started.

First of all, why are they called pet peeves? Why can't they be called blood boilers, or annoyances? lol

Next. People who don't use their turn signal when driving. Not only is it a serious safety hazard, but it's also just stupid. It takes NO effort to turn it on. With that, EXPIRED TABS. omg. I get they're ridiculously expensive, but if you drive it's an expense you need to account for. There is no excuse!

People (employees) who don't speak English in America. I understand we are a nation of diversity, but English is believed to be our native tongue. If I go to a non-English speaking country, I would try my best to respect their customs and learn their language.

Those who don't tip in restaurants. I don't know if they realize that it's what we do here and it's how servers make their living, but to take up a table for hours and make a person run back and fourth and leave next to nothing (or literally nothing) is just rude.

Girls who wear leggings as pants. I don't think there is much more to add to this.

People who disrespect their uniform off-duty. I'm speaking mostly about military personnel. I see some dirt bags. Just because they think they're not on base doesn't mean that people aren't watching them.

Bad spellers/people who suck at grammar. Mom, I love you. lol.

Blatantly ignorant people who express said ignorance against bull terriers and other dogs. When will we start looking at pet OWNERS as the cause of their behavior? Sure, some dogs have it wired in them to be more aggressive than other breeds. But it can be controlled. I won't go on my usual tangent, but really their ignorance makes me sad. It's not hard to educate ourselves.

Fair weather sports fans. People who only like their "team" when they win.

A bonus one. Open cupboards. Not that hard to close them! I'll never forget one time my husband opened EVERY cupboard in my mom's house just because he knew it bothered me. But he got a good laugh from it, so I guess it was okay.

What are some of your peeves?

Stay tuned for the next topic: Describe a typical day in your current life.

Blog challenge day 10

Today's challenge: describe your most embarrassing moment.

I'm the type of person that doesn't get embarrassed easily. I am, by nature, pretty silly. I do things that others wouldn't do just to make people laugh. That being said, there are things I do that maybe cross the line and I'm not proud of.

Take high school. I was loud, obnoxious, and probably annoying to a lot of people. Though I took my studies seriously, I didn't have a lot of friends because of my behavior (and other factors that I won't go into).

There is still a large part of me that is like that, and I try to check myself because I'm not proud of it. But you know what they say - mistakes are made so we can learn from them...and that's what I'm doing...learning.

Stay tuned for the next topic: 10 pet peeves I have...that should be fun!

Blog challenge day 9

Today's topic: 10 people who have influenced me and why. Get your tissues, folks. I have a feeling this one might get emotional.

First and foremost, my Grandma Jo. This woman...I cannot say enough good things about her. She, to me, is love. She has lost so much in her life and has never given up. I am amazed by her strength. If I can be half the woman she is, I still will not be good enough. I admire her to the moon and back. She, without even knowing it, helps me see the light at the end of the tunnel when my stubborn self only sees darkness. If I didn't have her in my life, I would not have as much compassion as I do. I admire her to the moon and back.

Then there is my husband. He puts up with SO MUCH MORE than he needs to. He encouraged me to join the navy, which was an amazingly great career move, he inspires me every day to simply be better. He is love. Our chapter is only beginning and I am so excited to see where it goes. Forever is not long enough to spend with him...almost 6 years later, it still feels like the honeymoon.

Next comes my mother. She didn't have much growing up, but she made the most of it. Obviously I wouldnt be here without her, but she inspires me to have what she never did. I'm not talking about materialistic stuff - I could care less about that. I'm talking about always seeing the good in people...always giving people a second chance...always forgiving...she's stronger than she realizes. I love her so much and wouldn't be here without her, but I am so thankful for the closeness we have!

Let me tell you something about the next one. Every morning, without fail, he kisses my mom and tells her how beautiful she is and says he loves her. That, my friends, is beautiful to me. He may be old fashioned but i have adopted so many of his principals into my life and i really don't care what others think of it, because I have him to thank for it. My step dad is not only the greatest man i know, but he is my hero. Whenever i talk about him i get super emotional because there is so much love in my heart for him. I think the best part about him is how much he can teach a person and not even realize the impact he has. I can't even say enough for him except every single day i hope i am doing him proud by the choices i make. He is an amazing inspiration to me and I have nothing but love for him.

My oldest (biological) brother Josh is one of the smartest, most stubborn people i know. He challenges your beliefs which is both fascinating and frustrating. lol. I love debating with him because he opens my mind to so many new things. He inspires me because he is both street smart and book smart and incredibly resourceful. We are really alike and sometimes we don't realize just how much.

Women who have babies really close in age and can maintain a happy marriage and a career, and their sanity. They may have help that I don't know about but they definitely make it look easier than I'm sure it is.

On that note, dads who step up. Dads in general don't get enough credit. It's all about the mom because she carried and birthed the child, but the dad, in most cases, PUT UP WITH HER THROUGH IT! lol. That takes a lot of patience to tell a woman she is beautiful every day when she is not comfortable with herself. But I really truly admire dads who marry a woman with kids who aren't biologically his and take them under his wing as his own. I tell you, that can save a life.

My "person" Stacy inspires me because I think she's one of the, if not THE only friend I have who has obtained a bachelors degree, got married, and doesn't have kids. I love her because she is not afraid to speak her mind, and doesn't care what other people think. I know her as loyal, trusting, and an all around great person. She is incredibly goal oriented, too. When she wants something, she won't stop until she gets it. She's full of creative ideas, too...which is always fresh in an ever depressing society.

That's eight. I really can't think of two more, unless I get into celebrities which I don't want to do. Who are some of your inspirations?

This i ask of you...

Friends..

If you wrote my eulogy and read it at my funeral, what would it say?

Blog challenge day 8

Today's topic: What are 5 passions you have?

I won't list them in any particular order, because if it's a passion to me, it obviously means a lot.

-Anything that has to do with animal rights and the proper care of animals, which even goes into vegetarianism. I won't go into my typical tangent, but I really enjoy educating people about things in their life they could be doing better, in regards to eating non-meat and little things to make their pets' lives easier.

-Marriage/love, in particular, mine. I come from a divorced family, whereas my husbands parents have been together for a long time. It's an interesting dynamic, because we obviously don't want to get divorced and there are a lot of values we want to pass down to our family. I have always been a hopeless romantic and I'm excited that I have someone to share that with. :)

-The work I do. It may not seem like much when we sit in port for months at a time, but the maintenance and preservation we do, as well as standing watches underway, driving the ship, etc. have the potential to get us out of dangerous situations when we are underway. I know that what I'm doing can inspire people and make a difference, even if I don't notice it while I'm doing it.

-Reading. I've said before that my favorite smell is new book smell, and it's totally true. There's nothing like a quiet Sunday curled up on the couch reading a book.

-Teaching. This ties a lot into my daily life...I teach those junior to me about the work we do in regards to maintenance, or how to drive the ship, or what we do during unrep. It not only refreshes me, but it teaches them, and I love that feeling.

-Crime tv shows. Law and Order: SVU is a favorite of mine. I like shows that teach the realities of what happens on the dark side of life. It sucks, but it happens and there is something that needs to be done about it.

Stay tuned for the next topic, 10 people who have influenced (me) and how. Have a great Sunday & week!

Blog challenge day 7

Today's topic is: What is your dream job and why?

There are a lot of things I want to do with my life. A lot of places I could see myself. But the thing I want most - the "job" I would most love to have - is the one where I get called mom.

Motherhood has been a dream of mine for a while...I think the earliest I wanted to start was when I was 19! I know that's young, but I had always wanted to start my own family at a young age so we could all "grow up" together and experience everything.

Here I am, almost 6 years later, and no babies yet. I am at a place in my life where it wouldn't exactly be the best time.

In retrospect, I am glad I waited to get pregnant. I am a different person than I was at 19 with different values and more life experience. I would do better now than I would have then.

I'm thinking in about 2 or 3 more years. But one thing remains the same, I will have them close in age. And I will hopefully be done by the time I'm 30. We will see. :)

So there you have it! Have a wonderful day everyone!

Stay tuned for tomorrow's topic: What are 5 passions you have?

Blog challenge day 6

Today's challenge is, what is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?

Another easy one.

December 27, 2005.

The day my father died.

I was with my ex boyfriend. (Of course he was my boyfriend at the time). My mom called me, said I needed to come home immediately. She wouldn't tell me why. It was frustrating, but I was thinking the worst and would hardly hear her out. I made it to the neighboring town where she met me and drove me home. She didn't say much the entire way home.

It wasn't until we finally made it home that she sat me down and told me the events of that morning. I can relive the moment in my head over and over and nothing changes. He is still gone. I still feel the guilt, the pain, the sadness...I still remember the salty tears running down my face and the scream that came out of my throat. I still remember clutching to my mom as she cradled me. I remember it clear as day, like it just happened.

But it was almost 7 years ago.

What hurts the most? It was two days after Christmas. We were thisclose to having the father/daughter relationship I had always wanted. Knowing that a part of my oldest brother died along with him that day, that hurts too, because even though I experienced pain, I don't know what THAT kind of pain feels like. You would have to understand that he grew up with him and I was with my mom...so of course it was different. They were close. They were close like my step dad and I are now. I cannot imagine that kind of loss. I don't even want to think of it, because I know that someday I will have to experience it and the thought makes my heart drop into my feet and I can hardly bear it.

Everything he has missed and will miss. He never got to see me graduate, never got to meet my husband or see me get married. Will never meet his grandkids. I guess in a way it's a harsh reality, but that doesn't make it any easier.

And my grandma. This woman... I can't say enough good things about her. She has lost so much and still believes in love. If I could be anyone, I would be her. I love her.

So there you have it. The hardest thing I've experienced.

December 27, 2005.

Blog challenge day 5

Today's challenge is five things that make me most happy right now. In no particular order, here they are:

1. My husband. He is so, so good to me. Even though he may play too many video games.:P
2. The friends I have in my division. These girls and I are so close. It's great to know that someone always has your back, especially on the really bad days.
3. Music. Music is so mood altering. There is a song for everything.
4. My job. I hate it some days, but I think we all do. But for the most part, I am in love. And I'm lucky to be employed. It's fun though, having a small group of people that I get to see almost everyday. I can say right now that deployment will be nothing short of interesting.
5. Of course my family. We are separated by miles, but never in heart. Not a day goes by that i don't think of them. It is because of them that I am here today and I am forever indebted to them for the sacrifices they have made.

Blog challenge day 4

Today's challenge, ten things you would tell your sixteen year old self, if you could. This has potential to be something I would tell my sixteen year old daughter, so I won't take it lightly.

-Save yourself for the guy you know you're going to marry. Forget about social pressure, if you have any doubt about him, you, and your future, he's not it. It is not necessary to give a guy your most precious possession just because that's what all your friends are doing.

-Volunteer. Animal shelters, homeless shelters, wherever you can. Few things are more satisfying then putting a smile on someones face or making an animal feel loved and wanted.

-Pay attention in class. If you have the chance to do college courses at any time during your high school tenure, do it. When your teachers tell you that what you do now matters, really listen to that, because they aren't lying.

-Go out to football games and other sporting events. Make the most of your high school career because it's going to be the best or worst four years of your life.

-Think about your future. Live for today, but plan ahead, too.

-Don't start drinking. That will only lead down a life you don't want to be a part of. Don't risk it.

-Save your money. Having the newest technology isn't important.

-Spend time with your girlfriends. They will be lifelong friends, and no one knows what you're going through better than them. Don't take them (or anyone) for granted.

-Get a part time job. Let me emphasize part time. Don't ever let that come between you and your schoolwork. It's great to get a little responsibility and extra cash, but right now school is #1.

-Lastly, listen to your parents. They may have gone through it "a million years ago", but they did go through it. They have more life experience than you, and what they have to say matters. They love you.

Blogger challenge day three: relationship with my parents

I have been blessed with two great parents. I know that everyone says that, but mine are special. They don't come from a lot of money. They don't have an educated background. But what they do have, and what they instilled in me throughout my entire life, is love. That may sound corny, but sometimes love is all you have. They taught me, without realizing it, how important it is to have love and to love. Forgiveness is powerful, and life is too short for grudges.

My parents have helped me realize what I do and don't want to have in my life...the kind of parent I want to be to my children, what I want them to learn, and the kind of wife I want to be to my husband.

They taught me that education is important...to never settle, to go for what I want and to never give up.

We have always been close. I never fought with them when I was a teen, never went behind their backs. I was a good kid. We didn't have secrets.

They also taught me how important communication is. To just say what you feel instead of trying to sugar coat. Honesty is the easiest and hardest thing to do, but it is the best.

For those who don't know, my dad wasn't really in my life until about a year before he decided to take his. My step dad is my dad, he raised me since I was 6. Ultimately, he saved my life. Although I don't believe in divorce for myself, he taught me that it is possible to be loved again and what an amazing feeling that is.

I love my parents...and it hurts being so far away from them, knowing that as each day passes they get a day older and we never know when they won't be here anymore. But I treasure the talks we have, the moments we share, and the memories we've made.

This is probably my favorite recent picture of my wonderful parents, Jerry and Carol. <3 p="">

Blog challenge day 2

Today's challenge is to pick three legitimate fears and describe how they they became fears. For me, this one isn't really a challenge. I know three right off the top of my head. They are as follows: ants, pregnancy, and swimming. I will go into detail with each one below.

Firstly, ants. I never used to be afraid of them, I might not even say that I'm afraid of them now, technically. I don't think it's a fear, per se. It started when I lived at home, and I'd be doing my homework late at night and ants would crawl out of nowhere onto my papers, and then I would go to sleep and wake up because i felt them on my face/body. i hate that feeling. There are ants in my home now, and I really hate it, but lately I've realized no matter how clean i keep my house they will keep coming in.

Secondly, pregnancy. I never used to have this fear, I actually would embrace the fact that one day I'm going to get "fat" and I was okay with it. That was until one day, I was reading a facebook post from a friend about how she could not get out of bed because of the 'basketball' attached to her stomach. Then I realized, wow, I'm going to have back pain, hip pain, and I will explode. This is not good. It gives me anxiety now to think about it, because I've always been pretty small...but somehow I'll work through it.

Lastly, swimming. Yes, I know, I joined the navy and I hate swimming. Thanks. It's about having to jump off the diving board into cold water (cold to me, not to anyone else, apparently). It's about having to come all the way up, swim to the side, not get out, and then continue on doing 'strokes' that I really have no idea how to do. I can tread water. I can float. I can swim underwater. But apparently that's not good enough. I can't relax when I hit the water, either. i don't know how. Mad anxiety.

What are your fears? Can you relate to mine?

Thirty day blog challenge: Day 1

Today is the first day of the thirty day challenge! Today's topic is 20 random facts about myself... let's see if I can come up with something(s) you didn't know about me!

1. I'm almost 25. Every day I think about this, and I cannot believe how quickly time has gone by, and I also can't help but feel dissatisfied with some things I haven't done with my life.
2. I'm a year into my 5 year contract with the US Navy. I like what I do, and I hope to continue for as long as they will let me!
3. My dogs, Leo and Ruby, are my world! I obviously don't have kids yet, so the love I have for them is so deep and unconditional, sometimes I can't handle it!
4. I am a romantic at heart.
5. Marrying my husband was the best thing I have ever done, and definitely my proudest moment.
6. Every day I strive to be a better wife.
7. I love country music. I always have.
8. I hate swimming. I can count on both hands how many times I have done it. (would be less without boot camp)
9. I am super excited to go on a deployment, but obviously sad to leave my husband and dogs - that will be the hardest thing I'll ever do.
10. My favorite smell is new book smell.
11. Having kids is something I want to do more than anything else in the world, but at the same time it gives me anxiety!
12. I love that my husband calls his parents once a week, it is something I strive to do as well.
13. I think you're never too old to learn something new.
14. I can't wait to go back to school!
15. I hate ants. Especially little ones.
16. My Grandma Jo is my biggest inspiration. I can only hope to be half the woman she is. I don't think she will ever know how much I admire her. I will name my first name daughter after her, but she doesn't know that. Yet. :)
17. I get way too emotionally invested in TV shows.
18. My three favorite authors are Nicholas Sparks, Jodi Picoult, and Dan Brown.
19. I am a Washingtonian. Born, raised, and bred. Now I live in California, and I love the heat but can't wait to get back to WA!
20. I have one tattoo, and I CANNOT wait to get more! 

Thirty day blog challenge

I saw this idea on Pinterest, I can't resist. It's simple...a 30 day blog challenge. Each day I post will be about a different topic, seen below. I hope to learn something about myself and maybe teach others...or just have new conversation starters. Please comment if you can relate, have questions, whatever!

(thank you cherishinghopesanddreams.blogspot.com for this great idea!)

THE LIST:

1. List 20 random facts about yourself.
2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents.
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?
6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
7. What is your dream job, and why?
8. What are 5 passions you have?
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.
10. Describe your most embarrasing moment.
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.
14. Describe 5 strengths you have.
15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?
19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.
24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What is your love language?
29. What do you think people misundertand most about you?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.

Someone else's life

Have you ever wanted to live someone else's life? Have you ever wanted to just ... switch places? I'm asking this while in my head saying, "Of course...people always feel like that."

I wonder if anyone has ever wanted to live my life. I know on the surface it doesn't seem that great. But some would say that I'm doing really great things, you know, being in the military and all. But if we could swap lives with someone, even for a day, to have all their memories, all their past experiences, and just their general frame of mind and thought process... I think it would allow for such a deeper appreciation of all the things people go through that no one sees. All the scars we hide on the inside... and of course all the happy things...the love we feel, and how we generally feel about people and things.

But is there someone out there who has been totally content with everything that's happened in their life that they couldn't imagine, even a day, in someone else's shoes? A famous person? A person from history? Jesus? Hmm..

Exciting work updates!

About a week ago, we got our evaluations, or in the navy world, evals. They are generally given a couple of months before an exam, or other parts of the year. You sit with your chain of command... third classes and above, and they tell you what they like about you and where they think you can improve, etc.

With the Navy, there are three "classes" of final evals. "P" for promotable - this is usually given when you first arrive, as a "they are new, hard worker, but we haven't really gauged them yet, or if you've been in for a while and are just a dirtbag. Also, if you get what is called a "SP" (special eval - usually if you go to captains mast, which you DO NOT WANT) you automatically get a P after, even if you redeem yourself. "MP" is must promote - you are shit hot, as we like to say. You hit the ground running, and are highly motivated, self starter, things like that. An MP is typical, and definitely something you want to get. Finally, there is "EP", or early promote. This is the highest standard. Only a small number of people in a division are awarded this. It's similar to MP, but you are given more points and it looks better. If you get an EP, you want to continue that standard throughout your career because going from an EP to an MP looks kind of bad.

So here I was, sitting in one of our spaces, reading over my eval as my BM1, First Lieutenant, BM2, BM3 and chiefs eyes are on me. As I was making sure all my quals and awards were on there, they asked if I had any questions. At that exact moment, I looked down, and noticed EP checked. I was shocked, in a good way. I was not expecting EP!! MP, yes, but not EP! Not to say I'm not grateful for it, because of course I am...but WOW! I don't think anyone has ever had more faith in me than my chain of command. I am so hard on myself and I know they see that, but they also see that I try every day and I constantly want to learn and teach and be a part of the Navy family. It's moments like that when I forget all the petty moments...all the BS...and it makes me so proud to be a part of this. On top of that, myself and two others were "promoted" to leading seaman. It's basically a petty officer without the collar device. I am grateful for that too, because I've never been given the opportunity to be a leader...unless you count being editor of a college newspaper, but it's a totally different environment, so I think they are isolated incidents. I am so excited for the challenges and responsibilities that await me. I finally get the chance to show what I'm made of...even if right now I have no idea!

Honestly though, seeing my chief look me in the eyes and say that he likes me meant so much...because as those close to me know, approval is what I strive for.

Now all I have to do is make third, get my ESWS, and keep working hard. I'm at a really good place and I know it can only go up from here!

New and exciting changes/challenges

Wow, so I am ecstatic. This Tuesday, I will be going to a seminar to sign up for distance learning courses to begin my bachelors degree! This is something I have wanted to do for a while, and now the opportunity has finally presented itself! I'm not sure what my major is going to be just yet, but it is definitely going to have a legal/criminal justice emphasis. The courses will be done through Saint Leo University, which is based out of Florida. It is an older school, and also has Catholic/liberal roots. (That doesn't really matter to me too much, as I will probably never set foot on the actual campus). Classes begin in early August, and are self-paced, wrapping up in November. All I have to pay for are any books or supplies needed for the courses. What's great is the ship will be in the yards during this period so I don't have to worry about any underways or anything like that. (For my civilian readers, 'in the yards' means that it will be moored for a lengthy time to undergo maintenance and workups for deployment readiness).

Along with that, I will be studying for my third class petty officer exam, which i take in September, and my ESWS pin, which I hope to obtain early next year. At the same time I'll be knocking out my in-rate qualifications, and continuing to learn and teach others. It's about time.

I am so glad to finally be busy and so grateful for this opportunity! Hooyah NAVY!

As always, though, wish me luck. :)

Goals for the year

By this time in one year, i would like to see myself:

As a third class petty officer working toward becoming a second class.
With my ESWS pin.
Finally deciding on a major and working on my bachelors degree.

That last one may be hard, because this time next year i will be going on a deployment. We shall see!

Deployment, career options, random blabble

I never thought I'd say this, but I'm excited to go on a deployment. Maybe it's because I see the same view at work everyday and I want to see a new country, but it's something I really want to do. (minus most of the people in my division) Obviously being away from Derek and my two furbabies will be the thing that sets me back the most, but every military couple has to endure separation, and it is what we signed up for.

My ship is not scheduled to go on a deployment until next year...which is good, because there is more time to prepare. But it sucks, too, because I feel ready now and I just want to get it over with. I know time is going to FLY between now and then, because this past year has gone by crazy fast.

:/

I've been considering my career options, too. There are a lot of things about my division that I find highly unprofessional and undesirable, but given my lack of authority, there is nothing I can do about it. I'm one of the oldest ones, but also one of the lowest ranking, and I don't know a whole lot about my daily job, so people don't take me seriously in comparison to those who have been there longer. It is really frustrating and hard to learn leadership.

I could stay in the enlisted ranks in the Navy and I'd probably be happy...but I know that I could also go officer, or do what's called blue to green which means I could go in the Army, and potentially do a different job that will either translate better when I retire, or just ..suit me better.
Regardless, I am staying in the military for 20 years. I know once I "make rank" it will be better, but in the meantime, it really sucks for reasons I can't discuss in a public forum.

In other news, life is good. I've been meaning to blog more recently, but things have been kind of busy.

Disappointment

It's true...I am my own worst enemy. Results came out for third class petty officer today...results I have been waiting for since March.

Low and behold, I didn't make it. Am I really surprised? No. The quotas were at 29% for my rate...that means that only 29% of the people who took the exam Navy wide were promoted. Why in God's name would I think that I would be one of them?

Sure I'm being hard on myself. But why shouldn't I be? It's not like I expected to get it. I just started knocking out my quals. I just started proving myself. I am still learning something new everyday. Maybe I'm not ready to be a leader.

But still, it's not fair. Why is it that my luck is tried with everything I give to the Navy? Why can't I just do things right the first time? I can't even begin to tell you how tired I am of hearing 'maybe next time' or 'keep your head up' or 'don't give up, you'll get it.' I AM 24 YEARS OLD AND I FEEL LIKE A FUCKING FAILURE. There is an E-1 who is running our division. He's not even rated. I'm an E-3 RATED boatswain's mate. He may know his job better than me but that's because he has like a year and a half on me...and for another reason that's not appropriate to mention here...

I realize it may sound like I'm jealous. I'm not. I'm frustrated. I'm EXHAUSTED. This is not what I expected it to be and I'm still adjusting.

But it's taught me that i am ready to show my potential. I am ready to take this shit seriously. If I want to make a career out of the Navy i have to be a grown up. They warned us in boot camp that the Navy will work us and we need to work them. Okay well I'm ready to work.

Hiking

Derek and I took up hiking today.

I think we're gonna make it a regular thing.

We started at a place called Elfin Forest. Only about a mile and a half, but with our dogs and out of shapeness, it was perfect.

Hiking in California is way different than Washington. It's hotter here, the terrain is different, and the plants, etc are not what you'd think. And you have to watch out for snakes. :/ Oh, and there's like NO SHADE. I felt kind of bad for the pups after a while...we were giving them water, but they were still so hot. Leo was being overdramatic at times, but really, I felt for him. lol

The following are some photos from the hike today.

Next week we're gonna try a place called Cowles Mountain. :) I could get used to this!

Update

Here's my theory.

It's not practical, logical, or smart to cut out alcohol 100 percent from my life.

Here's why....

Celebrations. Birthdays, anniversaries, etc. it's a large part of those things.

Chillin out after a hard day. Few things are more relaxing than a nice cold one.

The key is moderation. Self control. Two things i really didn't have before. I don't 'need' it. It's just a part of life, and probably always will be. I wanted to drink for the wrong reasons at first, and then my body wanted more. So I needed a break.

I'm doing pretty well. Since March 17, I have only drank three times, none of which I got drunk. The first was a glass of wine, the second was a Mike's, (which wasn't that great, to be honest) and the third was a beer.

I have been focusing a lot on my fitness. Doing that 'squat challenge' that's going around. It's fun. :)

Other than that, not a whole lot to report. Life is okay.

My constant struggle

I don't know if you know, but I struggle with alcohol. Not hard alcohol. Not mixed drinks. Not even beer. I LOVE Mike's Hard Lemonade. Even if it gives me a stomachache, even if I have to drink two to feel something, I love it. Especially after a hard days work.

And that's exactly the problem.

I come from a long line of alcoholics. That's why it's scary. Alcoholism and addiction is genetic, and I've known I've had the gene for as long as I have learned what alcohol was. I've always known I have to be careful because of that. That didn't stop me.

I have always known about how dangerous it is. I've always known what it can do to your body - your liver, your brain, etc. That hasn't stopped me because I was never dependent. I didn't drink the hard stuff. I never downed a fifth by myself...I never ... needed it.

It used to be that I could drink one Mikes - one bottle, 5% alcohol, and feel something. Now, I have to drink two cans, 8% alcohol in order to get even a little buzz. I know that's a problem. Even if it is "just Mikes." Alcohol is alcohol. I can tell it's not just affecting me anymore.

That's why I'm grateful for a program through my work called IMPACT. It's a two and a half day course where you sit around and learn about alcohol from a different perspective. You even have to go to an AA meeting (which is where I'm about to go now - more on that later). I can't tell you when I realized that it's helped so much, it just did. Maybe it was today, when a chief nearly brought me to tears telling his 'how I got here' story. If I can quit drinking now, I'll be able to get so much more from the Navy and from my life. 

I just got home from an AA meeting. I LOVED it. I learned so much, felt so comfortable...i might even go back! Even if i never call myself an alcoholic...i'm always welcome there, which is wonderful. It's saved a lot of people.

So now i am officially attempting to end my struggle. Only this time, i will come out on top. I'll keep you posted.

Him

I've been thinking about my brother. Turns out that reorganizing a room in your house can make that happen. I know i'm dead to him in the eyes of his wife, and i haven't talked to him since november-ish or earlier...but that doesn't stop me from wanting to. I know all i have to do is write him an email...i dont need a response, i just need to tell him things. Maybe he wouldn't even care, but to have it out there would be nice. I'm not even afraid of rejection anymore...i kind of just want a clean slate. With him. Not her. Honestly i dont think she's capable of that.

What should i do?

Can I just speak my mind for a minute?

These budget cuts are ridiculous. I don't know what's going to happen with our schedule because nothing has been canceled but the cuts are looming. They're saying fewer underways to cut on fuel costs. That's great, how about you stop letting people in? How about you get rid of the people who don't want to be there anymore? That will save some money. How about you stop sending ships out for 6-9 months for .... what again? Making allies with other countries? Helping them get straight? We aren't straight...we need to stop helping countries until ours is out of debt and functioning again.

Stop stressing the importance of education but then cutting out tuition assistance. Do you realize how expensive school is? How are we supposed to pay for that with our salary? Which brings me to my next point..

A sailor makes less than or just above minimum wage. Sure we get BAH and medical. But we pay for it. We pay into our GI Bill for the first year of service and if anything happens in the first three years of our contract we lose it. E-1 to E-3 makes exactly the same amount and E-4 doesn't make much more than them but works just as hard and sacrifices the same. Officers get paid twice what we do and they push papers all day. Must be nice.

How about not spending  $3.2-4 TRILLION on a war? I am of course against terrorism but once we caught Bin Laden...wasn't that enough? Wasn't he the sole reason we were there? Maybe I just don't know enough or didn't pay enough attention back then, but why is it taking so long to get the troops home?

Part of me is not complaining...I love being able to come home 6 nights a week to my husband...but part of me wonders what is going to happen...and it scares me...will my job still be secure?

Embracing change

Okay, I'm done. You win. Yesterday I got on the scale and found I gained another pound. That puts me at 121.5. Not a lot for some people, and I know that most people I talk to would kill to weigh that. But not me. This is the most I've ever weighed...so it's a big deal. I've never had to worry about what I eat or portions or counting calories or any of that other bullshit. I was blessed with a high metabolism. But now I'm getting older and I realize that some things have to change if I want to stay small. I don't work out...I never had to. I don't drink enough water...not sure of the reason, to be honest, I just don't.

What I don't know is why now. I have been on birth control for 7 years. I know that one of the side effects is weight gain, but it's never been an issue with me. Is it possible for the female human body's metabolism to just slow down?? It's not like i'm doing anything drastically different. It's frustrating.

Oh and before anyone speculates...NO I am NOT pregnant.

I guess all I can do now is start working out to maintain the weight I want and be more careful about what I eat and drink. Not as much candy/sugar and alcohol...not as big of portions...who knows. Anyone else have suggestions?

Guilt

Do you ever feel guilty because your spouse isn't as successful (by societys standards) as you? You could think the whole world of them and it wouldn't matter because deep down a ping of guilt is there? I mean, i am nothing special. I have my associates degree and i joined the military because i wasn't satisfied with my everyday routine. Sometimes i think that was a mistake but that's a different story. My husband, for those who don't know him, is absolutely genius...smarter than me any day. But he can't hold a job for whatever reason and doesn't have beyond a high school education. Of course i dont care about that, but it's a big deal to those who matter (ie employers).

I want a baby more than just about anything nowadays. I want him to secure a career, too..and i know that'll take a while considering everything. Ugh i just dont know ...

New challenge

I'm not sure about this month. I have a big test coming up on the 21st, but since insurv is over i have more time. Suggestions for a challenge?

Say it if it's worth saving me...

I saw a photo someone took of me recently and had to look twice.

I didn't recognize that person at all.

They said they were going to show me the picture, and then opened up to it. I waited. When they didn't select a different one, I thought, why are they showing me this?

Then I saw it. I will show it to you and let you be the judge, but first let me ask you: have you ever been in a situation like this? It's ...scary thinking you have completely lost yourself.

That's it. Thoughts?

Service vs. civilian

It's funny how life in the military is glamorized before we enter it. The things that no one tells us about beforehand...Before you join but after you sign up, you have so many expectations about where you're going to go, what you're going to accomplish, and all the new people you're going to meet. I'm not gonna lie, it's exciting to put these images together.

But then you get out of boot camp and A school and into the real world, aka the fleet. You're on a ship or shore duty if you're lucky, and you're brand new with your boots shined, ready to take on the world. The happiness wears off after a few months, because you finally realize that this world isn't much different from the civilian world...except it is. You wear the same thing every day, see the same people everyday, and do the same thing everyday. You work from 7am until ... God knows when, and once a week (or more) you have to stay overnight on the ship. You can't call into work, getting there is a pain because of traffic, and you can't leave work early to get a jumpstart on the weekend. Hell, sometimes you don't even get a weekend.

Sleeping on board when you're underway (not moored to a pier) is exhausting. Waking up at random hours to stand watch, or sleeping through the night but having to wake up at reville is just as bad...one shower is to be shared between 30+ females, there is no room to move and you have no personal space whatsoever. It's a mess.

There is a plus side, though. All the hours spent on the ship make the hours away from it more enjoyable. We learn to not take time for granted. We make sure the time we spend with our families is enjoyable...even if it's just making breakfast together, sleeping in, or doing whatever. We make it count.

Being married is hard. You hope your other half understands that you love them and would be at home if you could, but this job doesn't permit it.

Funny thing about it is, I like this life. Sometimes. Most of the time. I'm making the best of it because i signed up to do this...so I find ways to enjoy it. :)

Beyond the Myth

I just got done watching a documentary called Beyond the Myth, about the misconception and obvious discrimination against pitbulls (and other dogs, but mostly pits). It was fascinating. I have the trailer below, I strongly encourage everyone to watch it. It's an hour and a half, made in 2010, and it's on Netflix. Totally worth it.

I am appalled at mankind. Watch the movie, form your own opinion. I wish there was more i could do, but I don't know where to start.

Watch the video here.

First challenge completed!

I vowed to drink no alcohol for 30 days. It was hard, but I needed to do it. There were times that I wanted to have a drink (or several) after work because it's SO STRESSFUL, but I refrained. I've said before that my dad was an alcoholic, and the thought of becoming dependent on that scares me. I know that if I had anything to worry about, I wouldn't have lasted 30 days. Hell, I wouldn't have lasted 3 days!

I'm super proud of myself. This months challenge will be to refrain from eating red meat. :) Yay!

Like our parents...

I can't help thinking about where my parents were when they were my age. I think a lot of us compare our lives to theirs, because we want to find some satisfaction in our own successes...or maybe we just want to learn from them, do better, I don't know. I'm 24 and I feel like I've done nothing with my life, but I know that's not true...I just...I don't know, maybe got a late start, if nothing else. In the grand scheme of things, I've done pretty well. I got my associates degree, which I paid for on my own...I moved into my own apartment when I was 19, and lived there for a good 4 years. I've been with the same guy for the past 5 years, and I married him with no doubt in my mind that we were meant for each other. I joined the Navy when I was 23...on one hand I'm glad I did, because I got some life experience in...if I had joined straight out of high school, I wouldn't have the same outlook. On the other hand, joining at 23 means that I spend my day with 18-20 year old little boys, who are not always easy to work with. But, I genuinely love what I do, which is not what I expected.

A lot of people my age have kids. When my mom was my age, she had one son and another on the way. I have two dogs, a budding career, and I'm still considered a newlywed. I dream of having kids all the time...I know I want them someday. But could I handle it now? I don't know. Luckily, there isn't the expectation of the stay at home, always pregnant mom image anymore...women are allowed to be free thinkers, have careers, and start families when they're older. So I'm not under pressure. However, I do want all my children to be born before I'm 30, and I don't want to have them when my metabolism slows down. Maybe that's a selfish thought, I don't know...but frankly, I don't care because it's my body. lol

Why am I saying all this? I think it's to remind myself that just because I'm not a mother, doesn't mean I'm not where I'm supposed to be. It doesn't mean I'm a failure. My time will come and when it does, I'm gonna be even more in love than I am now. I think I'm gonna be a great mom, because I have such high expectations and will know what I do and don't want to teach them. :)

Thoughts?

My unofficially official 30 day challenge

I'm not big on resolutions...to be honest I usually forget the ones I make, if I do make them at all, and if I do, it's always the same: do good in school, grow up, etc.

So instead of resolutions, I am doing challenges. Starting with 30 days, then going to 90, 180, etc. until I make it a year. My first challenge is 30 days of no alcohol. I haven't had a sip since last Saturday, so I haven't made it a week yet, but I also haven't had the desire to drink. So far it's going well. I'll keep updates for the next three weeks as well...and perhaps I'll be feeling better!

Some other 30 day challenges I forsee for myself:

-no caffeine
-no red meat
-no meat at all
-no candy
-morning/evening yoga or tae bo

and I may have small challenges in there too...stay tuned! :)