Leo

I love my puppy. He climbed in here the second his daddy got up. I can't wake him up. He's so precious!

Navy

So I got a FB message from a friend of mine who has been in the navy since 2009 and who also went to high school with me. He knows I want yeoman for a rate, and he told me that as of today they are undermanned and I'd get it if I still wanted it.

I called my recruiter and asked him to look into it for me because of course I still want it!

Keep your fingers crossed for me, friends.

Oh, and please, pray for my friend Les. He lost his father yesterday. Also keep his fiance (and my best friend) Stacy in your thoughts. They're going through a hard time now. Thank you.

Here's a thought...

I have little to no idea what I want in life.

Well, that's not true.

I know what I want in life.

I think.

Or at least, I know what I don't want.

Sort of.

Maybe knowing what I don't want will help me figure out what I do want.

Or just making a decision.

Making a plan and sticking to it.

Not feeling guilty for the choices I've made or will make.

Just...living. Breathing. Loving. Enjoying myself.

We'll see.

God

God (and religion) is a subject I don't really talk about with friends. He wasn't really a major part of my upbringing, and I didn't hang out with the kind of people who were religious - and if they were, they didn't really talk about it, either. Sure, I went to AWANA on Wednesday nights for a while, but that was short lived...not because I didn't like it, but because I got in trouble once (for not doing my chores or something like that) and wasn't allowed to go anymore.

The first six years of my life led me to believe that there was no God, and the people who believed in him were hypocrites. I won't go into the graphic details, but it's been hard to trust people who call themselves Christian.

I let myself go to a church in Bellingham and absolutely loved it. It was a non denominational Christian church called Oikos. The dress was casual, people were genuine, and the pastor really made you feel like family. I stopped going there because we moved.

Now, I get the feeling I'm missing something again. I know it's not a baby, because we aren't ready for that. I know that I need a God in my life...I need that faith. I have morals, but I just need to believe.

I need to be baptized. That didn't happen when I was younger, because I was "too little." (I was about 5...and the next day I saw a newborn baby get baptized, so I knew something was up...) I think committing to that is really a symbol that you're committing your being and your life to something greater than yourself.

Feedback?

I do solemnly swear...

--From this day forward, money will not take over me.

--From this day forward, I will not take my relationship(s) for granted.

--From this day forward, I will not be afraid to speak my mind.

--From this day forward, I will rely on no one but myself.

--From this day forward, I will learn to love myself.

What's your opinion of ex's being friends on social networking sites? Ex's who haven't dated in nearly five years...ex's who haven't spoken in just about as long...but an ex whom you had pretty strong feelings for...an ex who was your first love.

Yeah, he requested me on FB. Those close to me know how I felt about him...I was young and completely crazy. We had some really great times & I don't regret the experience...but I think being friends again, even if it is on a Web site, isn't the best idea. On the other hand, it's not like we're meeting up for lunch...it's not like we'd really even "talk" to each other.

I can't speak for him, but I'm happy today. I'm in a really good relationship, finally feeling like I might have a chance to be somebody. I'm not the same seventeen year old I was when we were together. I haven't completely changed either, but I know myself a little better.

Chances are I'm reading too much into this, as I usually do. Maybe he really does just want to see what's new in my life...maybe he doesn't want to persuade me to get back together... or, maybe I'm just as naive as I was then. Who knows...

What would you do? We were only together for about 8 months, and that was a few years ago...but as I said, he was my first love...so it's not like we "dated" in seventh grade and he moved away and then moved back or something...we were kinda serious. Would you add him or leave him in the past?

I miss being in school. I miss the crazy feeling of being stressed out because of deadlines. I miss being around people constantly, making new friends, being challenged intellectually...

At the same time, of course, I'm glad I'm done with it (for now - I do want to go back someday!) I just don't feel like I have enough going on in my life...but I think that's because I'm lazy and full of excuses. I could be working out, I could be studying my START guide for the Navy...I could help my mom around the house more. There are things I definitely need to prepare for before I leave. I have five months, though...and they will go fast, but I don't want it to consume me..

What do my faithful readers do to motivate themselves?

I don't really know what to say. A lot is going on, I suppose, but it feels so routine that if I share it'll be the same old story.

I guess since my work knows now, I can publicly share that I joined the Navy...but that's kind of old news at this point. I leave in March, which is right around the time that M and E are going to have their babies!

M and M are back together, which is also public knowledge by this point. She's so happy, they're so happy..I am glad she found happiness again. Ugh, that was redundant.

Anyway, I'm still same old me. Not much else to say...