Big and small days

 

There are the big days when I think of you; your birthday, the day you died, Father’s Day…all the holidays that you’re no longer here for.

Then there are the small days when I just miss you. The ordinary, nothing special days, when I wish I could call you, tell you about work, ask your advice, hear you laugh again, hug you one more time, tell you about something I saw that reminded me of you…at the end of the day, those ordinary moments are what I hold on to and what I will try my hardest to never forget. Today is a small day, right now is one of those moments.

What I long for most is a picture of us, so I can revisit a memory…but all I have are a handful of memories that fade a little more each day. I rely on those who knew you to keep your memory and spirit alive, and tell me things about you that I wouldn’t have known.

It's true what people say, that it gets easier but we never get over it.

Grief is an interesting thing; most days I'm ok. Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning.

Where to start…

 I’m ready to bring this blog back. I have so much to say and I just want to help people. Or relate to people, I don’t know. 

I’ve had so much growth, reflection, and change over this past year…I want to get it out, not just leave it in my head.

I want to talk about motherhood, as a working mom with three kids. I want to talk about my oldest sons journey with autism. I want to talk about mental health and a lifelong battle with anxiety, depression, and how alcohol has played into all of that. I want to be real about my struggles with food, alcohol, and managing (or not) my emotions and my temper. I will also talk about my journey with the Navy because that was a fair chapter of my life. 

I’d like to check in at least once a week. If you haven’t subscribed, make sure you do. 

See you soon.