I am the girl I despise. Or at least I used to be.
You know the one.
The one who, in the back of your mind, is a threat. But she doesn't realize it. In her mind, she's not at all one, because she has no intentions. The one who seems to be nicer to your boyfriend than to you. The one who seemingly (but not on purpose, in her mind) goes out of her way to get his attention.
The one who swears that she doesn't feel anything for your man, but whom you don't believe. But she really, really doesn't.
The one who has a boyfriend (or fiance) whom she claims to be madly in love with.
The one who you always think about...who plagues your mind. The one who you think your boyfriend is thinking about, but really, he's so crazy about you that he forgets all about her.
Yet, I'm the one who feels threatened by my own kind. There are honestly NO intentions to steal anyone's man away. No intentions to ruin a friendship with girlfriends. The only intention is an honest to goodness friendship with a person of the opposite sex...because sometimes, it helps us deal with our own problems when we have a male friend we can talk/vent to...someone whom we aren't in a relationship with, who doesn't see us at our worst. We don't want to expose ourselves to our lover, because that would mean we're not perfect. Sometimes, a fresh perspective is all we need.
Mind you, I don't go out of my way to strike up a random conversation with someone else's boyfriend/fiance. I have my own man to do that. But it used to be that I would want confirmation. If someone else took the time to talk to me, to notice me, then I meant something.
But sometimes, when things get rough, when I'm tired of looking at myself in the mirror, I do contemplate asking another guys opinion. Am I good enough? What's wrong with me? Questions like that...because sometimes hearing it from someone you're NOT committed to helps you figure stuff out. Confirmation.
You know what I think it is? I think I used to be looking for someone who wouldn't let me down. I know that not all men are bad, but I needed to prove it to myself. Every man I've had in my life has been a disappointment in some way. I was searching for perfection. I was searching for something that doesn't exist. What would I do with it once I found it? Absolutely nothing.
I'm definitely more secure with myself now. I'm 23 years old, I feel as though I've lived enough to know what I do and don't want. I'm not searching because I have me. I can only depend on myself. Coming to that realization has made life so much easier. I can rest easy knowing that my my boyfriend forgets the names of all other women in the world, because he's holding me in his arms and I'm all he needs. All he wants. This...this is my perfection. This is my confirmation.
Thoughts?
I have so many thoughts on this I don't even know where to start. Maybe I should post my own blog on it.
ReplyDeleteI think my point most importantly, would be this: your man should make you feel beautiful/smart/perfect, even when he is not saying it.
Maybe it is in the way you catch him watching you walk around in a towel. Maybe it's how he goes back for seconds when you cook something. Or in the way he can tell you he hates you while laughing and shaking his head, and you are the only one who knows that he's really saying he loves you so much that he can't stand it. When afterword he hugs you and kisses you. Maybe it is how he asks you a question that you know he wouldn't ask anybody else ever. However he does it, you feel his love and appreciation. APPRECIATION. You should feel appreciated.
My second most important point that I would make is this:
Other men are allowed to speak with you. You are your own human. You can have male friends. You can call Les and cry to him about something and I will not even think twice about it. I trust you. Les trusts you. D should trust you.
Sure, there are boundaries. You probably shouldn't go out with them alone at night, or during the day if it's a romantic setting... Anywhere. That's like a date no matter how "just friends" you are. Or you shouldn't call and say "is your wife home? no? good I'd really love to talk to you alone."
ESPECIALLY not if the guy proceeds to not tell his wife/girl/fiance/whatever.
Same way the other way around. Les shouldn't call Meghan and be like "Is mark home? OH good. I want to come over and talk to you."
But you should be confident in one another. D should be able to call me and vent and ask for advice. As should Mark, or anybody. Ryan's vented to me before. It goes both ways. TRUST each other.
Love each other.
Appreciate each other.
Hope that helps.
I didn't post this for me or my relationship, really. I posted it because I have been thinking a lot about when other women talk to men and kind of push the woman (the man's girlfriend) to the side unintentionally. I've seen it happen and it's always an awkward situation.
ReplyDeleteI know this girl. She is friends w/ D and not with me. At first, it bothered me. But now, I'm like, whatever...we just never got the chance to meet. There is nothing that goes on or is inappropriate about anything or whatever...so I have absolutely no reason to think anything is going on or not trust him etc etc. And, some women are better friends w/ guys anyway.
One of our ex roommates worked w/ D before she met me, so they already knew each other and were friends before she and I became friends. She has one of those personalities where she's always happy, flirty, etc...the kind that would make you think twice if you weren't secure in your relationship. Until you know her. But then she became one of both of our really good friends & it's all good. :)
I think I was more writing about my 17-year old/too-young-to-be-drinking-but-I'm-young-and-careless-self. I get stuck in the past, idk...
D has his own way of making me feel appreciated and not second guess his intentions or not trust him. :) In case you were worried.
ReplyDeleteI wasn't sure, so I just wanted to make sure haha.
DeleteThe question is - would it be reciprocated? Could you hang out with a guy without bothering him? :)
I'm glad it isn't you guys you are worried about!
I think it would be, but I don't hang out with guys...I don't need to. I get what you're saying though.
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