I don't know what to call this blog post. I am guilt ridden, feeling sort of lonely, but not sure how to handle it.
Let me just start off by saying that I LOVE my three closest girl friends. They are pretty much the only friends I have these days, and they are amazing.
That being said, two of them are pregnant, and the other one will be getting married in September. I am ecstatic for all of them, obviously, and I hope that goes without saying. On the other hand, I have never been pregnant or engaged, so I'm feeling a little...out of the loop. Disconnected, if you will. I know that being pregnant isn't easy, especially given their situations that I won't go into, but I don't know how else to relate. I haven't been around babies much; I'm the youngest in my family and my step-siblings kids have grown...my oldest brother's son is nine and I didn't know of his existance until he was long out of diapers.
ANYWAY, I want to be with them, there for them, but I don't know how because I don't know what they're going through. I have a lot going on with work and preparing for the Navy, I haven't really had a chance to think about it until now. My best friend and I used to be really close...I always wanted to get pregnant at the same time so that our kids could grow up together. My other friend is about two weeks behind her, so that will happen with them. It will be exciting, no doubt, but my life is so ... far from the plan that I had for myself that I don't know when it'll happen for me. I am so scared of drifting away from them, because Lord knows I NEED them in my life despite all the changes that are forthcoming.
My engaged friend, the one who is getting married in September, is currently finishing up her Bachelors degree and lives about three hours away from us. Her I can relate to her situation/current life a little better because despite that I haven't been engaged, I have lived away from home and been broke...and our boyfriends are both REALLY into video games so we complain to eachother quite a bit. Not to mention, we both lost pets recently, and got new pets to heal our broken hearts... I'm not worried that once she gets married a whole lot will change, because I think if that was going to happen, it would have already. I don't know.
So much is happening in all of our lives...we are growing up...and I hope that doesn't include growing apart...we have all been friends since we were young, we've all seen us at our best and worst. I don't know what to say beyond this. What do ya'll think?
I think that I feel every bit as disconnected as you <3 we probably all do. I also feel that you are going on your own adventure in the Navy that none of us can relate to. Growing apart is something we may be doing in a literal sense, with our adventures and everything... but our friendship will always be stronger than that. I have also never been pregnant. The relationship I am in, I am engaged, he is the longest relationship I have had, and I love him very much and don't have any regrets, but I often wonder if this makes me naive to others' situations. I find it really great, actually, how the patterns of which friends relate to who and hang out with who switch back and forth, nearly seamlessly. I love you sister, and we are going to get through these things.
ReplyDeleteI also am clueless as to the dedication you have to your job. You are very hard working, extremely smart, and you are about to head off on one of the biggest adventures of your entire life. Feel important. Feel liberated. Feel loved... because though we are all experiencing different things, we all still love you with every single cell in our bodies!!! <3