It's true...I am my own worst enemy. Results came out for third class petty officer today...results I have been waiting for since March.
Low and behold, I didn't make it. Am I really surprised? No. The quotas were at 29% for my rate...that means that only 29% of the people who took the exam Navy wide were promoted. Why in God's name would I think that I would be one of them?
Sure I'm being hard on myself. But why shouldn't I be? It's not like I expected to get it. I just started knocking out my quals. I just started proving myself. I am still learning something new everyday. Maybe I'm not ready to be a leader.
But still, it's not fair. Why is it that my luck is tried with everything I give to the Navy? Why can't I just do things right the first time? I can't even begin to tell you how tired I am of hearing 'maybe next time' or 'keep your head up' or 'don't give up, you'll get it.' I AM 24 YEARS OLD AND I FEEL LIKE A FUCKING FAILURE. There is an E-1 who is running our division. He's not even rated. I'm an E-3 RATED boatswain's mate. He may know his job better than me but that's because he has like a year and a half on me...and for another reason that's not appropriate to mention here...
I realize it may sound like I'm jealous. I'm not. I'm frustrated. I'm EXHAUSTED. This is not what I expected it to be and I'm still adjusting.
But it's taught me that i am ready to show my potential. I am ready to take this shit seriously. If I want to make a career out of the Navy i have to be a grown up. They warned us in boot camp that the Navy will work us and we need to work them. Okay well I'm ready to work.
Low and behold, I didn't make it. Am I really surprised? No. The quotas were at 29% for my rate...that means that only 29% of the people who took the exam Navy wide were promoted. Why in God's name would I think that I would be one of them?
Sure I'm being hard on myself. But why shouldn't I be? It's not like I expected to get it. I just started knocking out my quals. I just started proving myself. I am still learning something new everyday. Maybe I'm not ready to be a leader.
But still, it's not fair. Why is it that my luck is tried with everything I give to the Navy? Why can't I just do things right the first time? I can't even begin to tell you how tired I am of hearing 'maybe next time' or 'keep your head up' or 'don't give up, you'll get it.' I AM 24 YEARS OLD AND I FEEL LIKE A FUCKING FAILURE. There is an E-1 who is running our division. He's not even rated. I'm an E-3 RATED boatswain's mate. He may know his job better than me but that's because he has like a year and a half on me...and for another reason that's not appropriate to mention here...
I realize it may sound like I'm jealous. I'm not. I'm frustrated. I'm EXHAUSTED. This is not what I expected it to be and I'm still adjusting.
But it's taught me that i am ready to show my potential. I am ready to take this shit seriously. If I want to make a career out of the Navy i have to be a grown up. They warned us in boot camp that the Navy will work us and we need to work them. Okay well I'm ready to work.
