Thirty day blog challenge: Day 1

Today is the first day of the thirty day challenge! Today's topic is 20 random facts about myself... let's see if I can come up with something(s) you didn't know about me!

1. I'm almost 25. Every day I think about this, and I cannot believe how quickly time has gone by, and I also can't help but feel dissatisfied with some things I haven't done with my life.
2. I'm a year into my 5 year contract with the US Navy. I like what I do, and I hope to continue for as long as they will let me!
3. My dogs, Leo and Ruby, are my world! I obviously don't have kids yet, so the love I have for them is so deep and unconditional, sometimes I can't handle it!
4. I am a romantic at heart.
5. Marrying my husband was the best thing I have ever done, and definitely my proudest moment.
6. Every day I strive to be a better wife.
7. I love country music. I always have.
8. I hate swimming. I can count on both hands how many times I have done it. (would be less without boot camp)
9. I am super excited to go on a deployment, but obviously sad to leave my husband and dogs - that will be the hardest thing I'll ever do.
10. My favorite smell is new book smell.
11. Having kids is something I want to do more than anything else in the world, but at the same time it gives me anxiety!
12. I love that my husband calls his parents once a week, it is something I strive to do as well.
13. I think you're never too old to learn something new.
14. I can't wait to go back to school!
15. I hate ants. Especially little ones.
16. My Grandma Jo is my biggest inspiration. I can only hope to be half the woman she is. I don't think she will ever know how much I admire her. I will name my first name daughter after her, but she doesn't know that. Yet. :)
17. I get way too emotionally invested in TV shows.
18. My three favorite authors are Nicholas Sparks, Jodi Picoult, and Dan Brown.
19. I am a Washingtonian. Born, raised, and bred. Now I live in California, and I love the heat but can't wait to get back to WA!
20. I have one tattoo, and I CANNOT wait to get more! 

Thirty day blog challenge

I saw this idea on Pinterest, I can't resist. It's simple...a 30 day blog challenge. Each day I post will be about a different topic, seen below. I hope to learn something about myself and maybe teach others...or just have new conversation starters. Please comment if you can relate, have questions, whatever!

(thank you cherishinghopesanddreams.blogspot.com for this great idea!)

THE LIST:

1. List 20 random facts about yourself.
2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents.
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?
6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
7. What is your dream job, and why?
8. What are 5 passions you have?
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.
10. Describe your most embarrasing moment.
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.
14. Describe 5 strengths you have.
15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?
19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.
24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What is your love language?
29. What do you think people misundertand most about you?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.

Someone else's life

Have you ever wanted to live someone else's life? Have you ever wanted to just ... switch places? I'm asking this while in my head saying, "Of course...people always feel like that."

I wonder if anyone has ever wanted to live my life. I know on the surface it doesn't seem that great. But some would say that I'm doing really great things, you know, being in the military and all. But if we could swap lives with someone, even for a day, to have all their memories, all their past experiences, and just their general frame of mind and thought process... I think it would allow for such a deeper appreciation of all the things people go through that no one sees. All the scars we hide on the inside... and of course all the happy things...the love we feel, and how we generally feel about people and things.

But is there someone out there who has been totally content with everything that's happened in their life that they couldn't imagine, even a day, in someone else's shoes? A famous person? A person from history? Jesus? Hmm..

Exciting work updates!

About a week ago, we got our evaluations, or in the navy world, evals. They are generally given a couple of months before an exam, or other parts of the year. You sit with your chain of command... third classes and above, and they tell you what they like about you and where they think you can improve, etc.

With the Navy, there are three "classes" of final evals. "P" for promotable - this is usually given when you first arrive, as a "they are new, hard worker, but we haven't really gauged them yet, or if you've been in for a while and are just a dirtbag. Also, if you get what is called a "SP" (special eval - usually if you go to captains mast, which you DO NOT WANT) you automatically get a P after, even if you redeem yourself. "MP" is must promote - you are shit hot, as we like to say. You hit the ground running, and are highly motivated, self starter, things like that. An MP is typical, and definitely something you want to get. Finally, there is "EP", or early promote. This is the highest standard. Only a small number of people in a division are awarded this. It's similar to MP, but you are given more points and it looks better. If you get an EP, you want to continue that standard throughout your career because going from an EP to an MP looks kind of bad.

So here I was, sitting in one of our spaces, reading over my eval as my BM1, First Lieutenant, BM2, BM3 and chiefs eyes are on me. As I was making sure all my quals and awards were on there, they asked if I had any questions. At that exact moment, I looked down, and noticed EP checked. I was shocked, in a good way. I was not expecting EP!! MP, yes, but not EP! Not to say I'm not grateful for it, because of course I am...but WOW! I don't think anyone has ever had more faith in me than my chain of command. I am so hard on myself and I know they see that, but they also see that I try every day and I constantly want to learn and teach and be a part of the Navy family. It's moments like that when I forget all the petty moments...all the BS...and it makes me so proud to be a part of this. On top of that, myself and two others were "promoted" to leading seaman. It's basically a petty officer without the collar device. I am grateful for that too, because I've never been given the opportunity to be a leader...unless you count being editor of a college newspaper, but it's a totally different environment, so I think they are isolated incidents. I am so excited for the challenges and responsibilities that await me. I finally get the chance to show what I'm made of...even if right now I have no idea!

Honestly though, seeing my chief look me in the eyes and say that he likes me meant so much...because as those close to me know, approval is what I strive for.

Now all I have to do is make third, get my ESWS, and keep working hard. I'm at a really good place and I know it can only go up from here!

New and exciting changes/challenges

Wow, so I am ecstatic. This Tuesday, I will be going to a seminar to sign up for distance learning courses to begin my bachelors degree! This is something I have wanted to do for a while, and now the opportunity has finally presented itself! I'm not sure what my major is going to be just yet, but it is definitely going to have a legal/criminal justice emphasis. The courses will be done through Saint Leo University, which is based out of Florida. It is an older school, and also has Catholic/liberal roots. (That doesn't really matter to me too much, as I will probably never set foot on the actual campus). Classes begin in early August, and are self-paced, wrapping up in November. All I have to pay for are any books or supplies needed for the courses. What's great is the ship will be in the yards during this period so I don't have to worry about any underways or anything like that. (For my civilian readers, 'in the yards' means that it will be moored for a lengthy time to undergo maintenance and workups for deployment readiness).

Along with that, I will be studying for my third class petty officer exam, which i take in September, and my ESWS pin, which I hope to obtain early next year. At the same time I'll be knocking out my in-rate qualifications, and continuing to learn and teach others. It's about time.

I am so glad to finally be busy and so grateful for this opportunity! Hooyah NAVY!

As always, though, wish me luck. :)

Goals for the year

By this time in one year, i would like to see myself:

As a third class petty officer working toward becoming a second class.
With my ESWS pin.
Finally deciding on a major and working on my bachelors degree.

That last one may be hard, because this time next year i will be going on a deployment. We shall see!

Deployment, career options, random blabble

I never thought I'd say this, but I'm excited to go on a deployment. Maybe it's because I see the same view at work everyday and I want to see a new country, but it's something I really want to do. (minus most of the people in my division) Obviously being away from Derek and my two furbabies will be the thing that sets me back the most, but every military couple has to endure separation, and it is what we signed up for.

My ship is not scheduled to go on a deployment until next year...which is good, because there is more time to prepare. But it sucks, too, because I feel ready now and I just want to get it over with. I know time is going to FLY between now and then, because this past year has gone by crazy fast.

:/

I've been considering my career options, too. There are a lot of things about my division that I find highly unprofessional and undesirable, but given my lack of authority, there is nothing I can do about it. I'm one of the oldest ones, but also one of the lowest ranking, and I don't know a whole lot about my daily job, so people don't take me seriously in comparison to those who have been there longer. It is really frustrating and hard to learn leadership.

I could stay in the enlisted ranks in the Navy and I'd probably be happy...but I know that I could also go officer, or do what's called blue to green which means I could go in the Army, and potentially do a different job that will either translate better when I retire, or just ..suit me better.
Regardless, I am staying in the military for 20 years. I know once I "make rank" it will be better, but in the meantime, it really sucks for reasons I can't discuss in a public forum.

In other news, life is good. I've been meaning to blog more recently, but things have been kind of busy.

Disappointment

It's true...I am my own worst enemy. Results came out for third class petty officer today...results I have been waiting for since March.

Low and behold, I didn't make it. Am I really surprised? No. The quotas were at 29% for my rate...that means that only 29% of the people who took the exam Navy wide were promoted. Why in God's name would I think that I would be one of them?

Sure I'm being hard on myself. But why shouldn't I be? It's not like I expected to get it. I just started knocking out my quals. I just started proving myself. I am still learning something new everyday. Maybe I'm not ready to be a leader.

But still, it's not fair. Why is it that my luck is tried with everything I give to the Navy? Why can't I just do things right the first time? I can't even begin to tell you how tired I am of hearing 'maybe next time' or 'keep your head up' or 'don't give up, you'll get it.' I AM 24 YEARS OLD AND I FEEL LIKE A FUCKING FAILURE. There is an E-1 who is running our division. He's not even rated. I'm an E-3 RATED boatswain's mate. He may know his job better than me but that's because he has like a year and a half on me...and for another reason that's not appropriate to mention here...

I realize it may sound like I'm jealous. I'm not. I'm frustrated. I'm EXHAUSTED. This is not what I expected it to be and I'm still adjusting.

But it's taught me that i am ready to show my potential. I am ready to take this shit seriously. If I want to make a career out of the Navy i have to be a grown up. They warned us in boot camp that the Navy will work us and we need to work them. Okay well I'm ready to work.

Hiking

Derek and I took up hiking today.

I think we're gonna make it a regular thing.

We started at a place called Elfin Forest. Only about a mile and a half, but with our dogs and out of shapeness, it was perfect.

Hiking in California is way different than Washington. It's hotter here, the terrain is different, and the plants, etc are not what you'd think. And you have to watch out for snakes. :/ Oh, and there's like NO SHADE. I felt kind of bad for the pups after a while...we were giving them water, but they were still so hot. Leo was being overdramatic at times, but really, I felt for him. lol

The following are some photos from the hike today.

Next week we're gonna try a place called Cowles Mountain. :) I could get used to this!

Update

Here's my theory.

It's not practical, logical, or smart to cut out alcohol 100 percent from my life.

Here's why....

Celebrations. Birthdays, anniversaries, etc. it's a large part of those things.

Chillin out after a hard day. Few things are more relaxing than a nice cold one.

The key is moderation. Self control. Two things i really didn't have before. I don't 'need' it. It's just a part of life, and probably always will be. I wanted to drink for the wrong reasons at first, and then my body wanted more. So I needed a break.

I'm doing pretty well. Since March 17, I have only drank three times, none of which I got drunk. The first was a glass of wine, the second was a Mike's, (which wasn't that great, to be honest) and the third was a beer.

I have been focusing a lot on my fitness. Doing that 'squat challenge' that's going around. It's fun. :)

Other than that, not a whole lot to report. Life is okay.

My constant struggle

I don't know if you know, but I struggle with alcohol. Not hard alcohol. Not mixed drinks. Not even beer. I LOVE Mike's Hard Lemonade. Even if it gives me a stomachache, even if I have to drink two to feel something, I love it. Especially after a hard days work.

And that's exactly the problem.

I come from a long line of alcoholics. That's why it's scary. Alcoholism and addiction is genetic, and I've known I've had the gene for as long as I have learned what alcohol was. I've always known I have to be careful because of that. That didn't stop me.

I have always known about how dangerous it is. I've always known what it can do to your body - your liver, your brain, etc. That hasn't stopped me because I was never dependent. I didn't drink the hard stuff. I never downed a fifth by myself...I never ... needed it.

It used to be that I could drink one Mikes - one bottle, 5% alcohol, and feel something. Now, I have to drink two cans, 8% alcohol in order to get even a little buzz. I know that's a problem. Even if it is "just Mikes." Alcohol is alcohol. I can tell it's not just affecting me anymore.

That's why I'm grateful for a program through my work called IMPACT. It's a two and a half day course where you sit around and learn about alcohol from a different perspective. You even have to go to an AA meeting (which is where I'm about to go now - more on that later). I can't tell you when I realized that it's helped so much, it just did. Maybe it was today, when a chief nearly brought me to tears telling his 'how I got here' story. If I can quit drinking now, I'll be able to get so much more from the Navy and from my life. 

I just got home from an AA meeting. I LOVED it. I learned so much, felt so comfortable...i might even go back! Even if i never call myself an alcoholic...i'm always welcome there, which is wonderful. It's saved a lot of people.

So now i am officially attempting to end my struggle. Only this time, i will come out on top. I'll keep you posted.