If you look further, my hips are wideset, which offsets the rest of my body. I lost my abs (it's now just flab) which used to give me much joy. I eat way too much and my metabolism is not what it used to be. Don't even get me started on my thighs. My pants no longer fit, my butt has gotten cellulite, stretch mark type things, which I absolutely can't stand, and the rest of my legs are disproportional (hence why my uncle called me chicken legs, also partly why I refuse to wear shorts).
My fashion style leaves something to be desired. I wear socks with open foot-shoes. Don't ask me why, I just hate feet...mine especially.
My point of writing this is not to get attention. There really is no point, I guess, other than I feel like I've needed to get it out. I know I'm not perfect and I should love myself no matter what, but for me, that's hard to do. I've never been particularly popular, never known how to do my hair or makeup the "right way"...everything I know is self-taught.
That's no excuse. I'm not looking for sympathy. I just want someone to read it and know that if they feel the same way, they're not alone. And if they do feel that way, don't let it bring you down..
Some days I feel like this. Different issues, but issues nonetheless. I've felt more and more insecure actually as I've lost weight. I was starting to get comfortable in my fat (yes, fat, if you're allowed to call yourself ugly, then 230lbs is most certainly F.a.t.) body and it scared me so I wanted to lose it.
ReplyDeleteThere's lots of other reasons. It wasn't healthy, I wanted to be stronger... yadda yadda..
but my weight loss has kind of come to a stand still ...I look in the mirror and I don't know who I am.
I tell myself I'll go get a hair cut or a new outfit to feel better. It only works for a little while... then I'm back to being confused... Anthony keeps asking me why I didn't come to boot camp and how my diet is doing. Sometimes while I'm having a soda... or lazing around in my pajamas watching a movie.
Meh
but this isn't about me... the point is, I don't think we are supposed to feel perfect about ourselves. Maybe we are supposed to have that little boost of confidence every once in a while... but if we were supposed to feel that way all the time, then we'd be like those crazy girls who think it's the end of the world because of one zit. Maybe we need to all have girls night again and do make-overs and talk about how we hate our thighs and stuff. <3
I know how you feel.. maybe I've never been 230 lbs but I can still relate. That can happen when you don't hear certain things enough..it does a number on the self-esteem booster (or in my case, bringer downer).
ReplyDeleteI agree that we're not supposed to feel perfect about ourselves; we are our own worst critic and all that..but still. I agree, a girls night needs to be in the works! <3