The 'ol college try

While a baby is cooking in  my belly and I have much more free time than before, I am trying to go back to school. I learned yesterday that the Navy, though they will pay for my college, will not "double dip." That means that since I already have my associates degree, they won't pay for me to change my career and allow me to get another in something different. It makes sense, but at the time I was a little discouraged.

I started researching online BA paralegal schools and I found two that I'm super interested in.One is called Tiffin University, and the other is called Tulane University. Both are totally online which is awesome. I really hope it works in my favor, because the higher degree I have, the bigger chance I have of scoring a job after the Navy. The job market, from what I hear, is a joke, so I don't want to jeopardize my chances at all.

For those who don't follow me on social media (ie IG or FB), baby is 18 weeks, has a heartbeat of 158 at our last appointment, and as far as I know, all is going well! We will find out the gender on December 22...it can't come fast enough!! I have officially popped, and I am LOVING being pregnant. I wore my prenatal uniform to work today and it's sort of like a dress but it's okay. I'll grow in to it. ;)

That's all for now...nothing else to report.

Until next time...

Kids these days...

But seriously, what is wrong with the youth of today's generation? They have no regard for their elders, no please or thank you, no kindness. Is it their fault, their parents, or society in general? What is going on in the world for them to think that it's okay to not say please and thank you when something is given to them? Why are they so rude and selfish? When did it become okay to be so careless?

Halloween is what sparked this question. There was one girl who was crying because she only got one article of candy. Others were being choosy.. "Can I have the kit kat instead?" Others were not even saying trick or treat, instead just holding out their baskets and looking up at me like I should just automatically give them what they want, then running away without a 'thank you!' The last kids of the evening insisted I give them more because I wasn't going to get anyone else that night (this was at about 9:35 pm...which by the way why are they still out that late?!)

It irks me because it takes NO EFFORT to be nice!

I am afraid for when these children grow up...and I can only hope that we can instill old fashioned values into our children.

Don't

Reading "the Frenemy's" blog got me thinking about some things...things that I used to do a lot of that I don't do any more...things like...

• read for pleasure
• read in general
• volunteer
• go for walks just because
• call my parents on an at least weekly basis - now my mother and I text a lot - almost everyday - but there is something about hearing their voices that puts me at ease. besides, i dont talk to my step dad nearly enough and that breaks my heart. none of us are getting any younger, if you catch my drift.
• hike - i live in a place where it rains 5 days out of the year...there is no excuse.
• watch the news or keep up with it on CNN, livewire, etc.

anyway, more on these later, as well as an update.

oh yeah, by the way.... i'm pregnant! :)

Home free

I'm back on solid ground and it feels great. Last week I went to a basic intelligence school. My "secret" clearance was finally activated which gave me the chance to surf the interwebs and view content that is only accessible with such a clearance. It was fun; I hope I get to actually use what I learned, because it was a lot and I'm excited about it.

Here are some random pet peeves that I'm not sure I mentioned in my pet peeves blog:
"are vs. our" - so many people mix this up, and I'm not sure why. Examples of the PROPER use of the words, in a short sentence:
"Are you okay?"
"Let's go back to OUR house."
I don't get it. If we think of the sentence before we type it out, it would erase so much confusion.

"they" - "THEY haven't found a cure for cancer." Who is/are THEY? I am guilty of doing this, and I realized how much it bothered me so I have been watching what I've been saying so I stop. We need to be more specific in who we are talking about. People are just so lazy with language. Maybe if people realize that THINKING about we say BEFORE we say it actually may make us seem SMART, it would happen more often. Who knows.

Another pet peeve I realized I have is women who want to be treated equal to men. These are the same women who hold grudges, who would easily turn their back on their own kind (another female) to get what they want. LADIES: we need to come TOGETHER before we deserve to ask for equality! Get over yourselves and embrace what we have, because it is a beautiful thing! How is it fair that we can hate each other and talk SO MUCH SMACK but demand to be treated the same as a gender who laughs it off and talks it out like MEN? I just don't get it...

That's it for now. For an update on Hawaii and RIMPAC...

Hawaii was beautiful, humid, and would have been much better if I wasn't there for work! We were in port for 12 days and then hit the open ocean, staying in the Hawaii op-area for about three weeks and then finally headed home on the last week. It was a long two months away, but at the same time it wasn't as bad as I originally anticipated. After a while, I think we get into the mindset of, we're all stuck out here, not going home anytime soon, so we have to get over whatever feelings we have. We are all (quite literally) in the same boat. Nonetheless, I was excited to be home. That last week felt like forever, just because I knew that the end was in sight.

Monday I return to my division after almost 3 months of absence ( I was TAD to another division on the ship). I don't know what to expect based on what I've heard. We'll see how it goes...

On vegan and other "ism's"

Never in a million years did I think I would ever entertain the idea of being vegan. Vegetarian, yes, but I loved cheese, yogurt, and milk too much to consider cutting it out. It was naive of me to think that without these things, I couldn't sustain a proper diet, and that by eating these things, the animal wasn't actually being killed so it was okay because they were not being hurt. I was wrong. I have done countless hours of research about the care of factory animals, only to end up with a broken heart and a vow to do better for them. I didn't get through the first five minutes of Food, Inc. without bawling.

Animals deserve to live outside, not stuck in a cage with no sun, water, or exercise...especially those animals that most humans insist on eating. Cows are the only animals that can properly digest grass, yet they are fed grain and then killed. That matters, in case anyone thinks it doesn't. The stress than an animal goes through prior to being slaughtered also affects things like hormone levels and other toxicities that enter their bloodstream and end up in our grocery stores. Most factories are not properly maintained, cleaned, or cared for in general so often times the meat is mixed with animal (and human) feces. Yum.

Research has shown that pigs are almost, if not more, closely related to humans than chimpanzees. They can follow direction and even form a bond with us. But go right ahead, slaughter it so you can eat your precious bacon.

Chickens, once their heads are cut off (since that's the most common way), can still survive, but their stress levels are through the roof. As I mentioned earlier, that can enter their blood stream and stay in the meat we eat.

Don't even get me started on all the chemicals that are added to the meat once they leave the factory and are being prepared to be shipped to the store.

Harvard University recently released results from a study conducted that concluded that we do not need milk to maintain a healthy diet. It's a good thing, because most dairy cows are used specifically for that purpose, never see the sunshine, are used for mating, and then once they stop producing and can no longer give birth, they are killed and their meat is wasted.

I realize that I probably sound like a PETA activist, but I don't really care. If you don't want to do it for yourself or for the animals, or even for the environment, then that's fine. No one is holding a gun to your head. But at least take the time to do your research about what's on your plate.

So what's next? I think I'm gonna try the vegan thing...at least for the duration of my time here in Hawaii and while we are underway. Maybe by that time I'll have trained myself well enough to get my husband involved. :P If not though, that's okay too.

Have a beautiful day everyone.

It's been a little while, so here's an update...

For those who don't know, I am currently on "business" in Hawaii. I have about a week left here before we venture out into the open ocean to do some exercises with other ships from around the globe.

I have made LOADS of progress with my problem.  I haven't had a drop of liquor (or beer, or any alcohol for that matter) in over two weeks. It's a short time for some people, but a long time for others. I don't even want it anymore, to be honest. I feel like my eyes have FINALLY opened and I'm starting to realize who and what is really important in my life.

Let's talk about how I feel now that it's not a part of my life. Before I do, let me make it clear that I do not consider myself an alcoholic, and I can be around alcohol and not desire it.

That being said, it is definitely frustrating. Not because I want a drink, because I don't. It's because all everyone around here seems to want to do is "turn up." WE ARE IN HAWAII! We get to come here for FREE! All we pay for is whatever we decide to buy...dinners, shopping stuff, whatever. Nightclubs, bars, etc. are going to be the same here as they are in CA. Alcohol is alcohol. Maybe I don't get it because I don't go out...but as far as I am concerned it's a waste  of time, energy, and money, and not worth the hangover the next day.

It's also sad. In just a short time, I realized that there people I have to weed out already because they don't get it.  From other blogs I've read, that's pretty normal. I expected it, just not so fast. Hopefully they will come around and support my decision once they see I'm serious about it.

At the same time, it's all worth it. As cliche as it sounds, those who really support me will stick through it with me...through the crabby attitude (although I don't know if that's related or not...), and whatever else happens, and I'll know who my true friends are.

By the way, Hawaii is beautiful. I can't wait to bring Derek here for a real vacation.

Who will you love more?

Reading a friends note on Facebook has inspired some thinking. There was a question on a forum she was a part of asking who would she love more: her child, or her husband? My answer is this...

Now I realize I don't have any children, but I think this question can be answered without them, given my views on marriage, love, and the like.

Despite that motherhood is something I am overly excited for and absolutely cannot wait to experience, I will say that I will love my husband more. Think about it. We choose our mates and we choose to have child(ren) at some point in our lives. We birth them, raise them, and hope that they will go on to make something of themselves and start their own life. But then they leave. Once they're gone, we're left again with our mate...to rediscover, reinvent the relationship, or do whatever it is people do once the kids are gone. For me, that kind of love is forever...there is no

Love is around us in many different forms. I love my dogs, my family, my friends, I love my husband, and I can say with great, absolute conviction that I will love my children. I love them all the same, equally, but for different things and in different ways.

What would your answer be? Do you have children, or are you using your imagination?

deactivating social media

Changes are happening as a result. Stay tuned..

xx

Fail

This weekend was a success in some ways, and a failure in many others. My husband and I and a group of friends went and saw Tim McGraw which was amazing, except one little thing: I told myself I was going to be sober, and it didn't work out that way. Now, I will say that I was not as drunk as those around me...I do in fact remember the concert, but I am disappointed because I let myself down.

I am so easily able to justify it (alcohol) being in my life and make excuses for why I need it. The opposite is true for why it shouldn't be there. I mean, of course I can think of so many reasons why I don't need it, shouldn't drink it, etc, but they are quickly diminished by the thoughts like 'we're so young' and 'you're in the navy' and 'it's easier to have fun and let loose when you drink.'

But, I am trying to remain positive. Remember, I said before that this will not happen overnight. We may fall many times, but it is important to not give up. When we give up is when we truly fail.

I have decided to retract a previous statement. When I said to quit cold turkey, I think that's wrong. It may work for some people, but not everyone. I think it's best to cut back slowly. Limit yourself to only drinking on the weekends, and not getting plastered everytime...just a drink here and there. Then eventually, hopefully, one will find themselves not craving it anymore. Not reaching for the bottle for a temporary buzz.

Is it worth it? That next day feeling? The one that lasts all day no matter how much water we drink, food we eat, or sun we get? The one that only gets worse as we get older?

I don't think so.

There is a light my friends... let's get there.

What it's like to be 25, in the Navy, and tell people you're trying to quit drinking...

"Good luck with that," most of them say.
"Why?" Some of them ask.
"Aren't you going on a deployment soon? You're going to NEED it on deployment!!" They explain.

As always, there are those who laugh it off, give me 'the look' and go on with our conversation.

What I need right now is support from those around me.

I looked my husband in the eyes last night and asked him, "will you support me if I want to quit drinking completely?" He said yes. And he also said he'd support my cutting out meat 100%.

It may go without saying that it is extremely hard to be in my situation and try to stop. Like I said before, YOU have to want it 100%.

The thing about me is, I love attention. I love being the life of the party. Most of the time I will use alcohol to get me there. Part of me feels like alcohol has stunted my growth...set me back a few years so that I am 25 but act 19. I need to get where I was at 19..with goals and a mind set. I need a passion that will set me free, not one that makes me feel trapped. That's one thing about the navy...yes, they take care of us (I wouldn't have this house or medical without them) but there are so many guidelines to follow and restrictions. Even though I make the most of it, myself (and my shipmates, I'm sure) find the bottle as an excuse to escape. It's going to be difficult to find something else for a release...

There comes a moment when you wake up and realize how tired you are of the same shit. I think I've reached that point. I am ready to be a mom, to be a role model and raise a family...but I can't do that until I overcome this...I have to be strong, because if I'm not, how will I show that I'm ready to bring a life into the world?

I think by this point i'm just rambling. It hasn't been easy, but it will be worth it. That's what I've been told, anyway.

Liquid poison

I have been thinking it over, and I have compiled some thoughts regarding how to stop drinking. These steps also apply to other things...smoking, eating crap food, etc. Obviously I am not a professional, I am simply someone who wants to stop and also help others stop if that's what they want, too. Feel free to add your own suggestions. :)

• First things first, you have to want it completely. No 75%, no 'maybe tomorrow'...it's now or never.
• STOP with the excuses (I can't have fun without it, I need it, etc. Newsflash: you don't need it. You are worthy of fun and love without poison in your life).
• Don't pick a drink and say this is your 'last one.' Also, don't pick a date on the calendar and say you'll stop drinking on that date. I have done this countless times and the anticipation and trying to savor that last drink is so difficult. All that does is leave me wanting more. 
• Having a support system is absolutely necessary, whether that be through AA or through family and friends. Lucky for me, I have an amazing husband who will absolutely stand by my decision. No one should go through this alone.  Toxic people = a toxic life, so eliminate those people who don't support you and your choice. 
• You have to do this FOR YOU. At the end of the day, let's be real, we are the only ones who matter...we will ALWAYS find a reason to do something we are trying to quit unless we are 100% on board with stopping for ourselves.
• No baby steps. It's all or nothing. What I mean by that is starting by cutting it out and only drinking on the weekends, or only having one drink per night instead of two...in my experience, cold turkey is the way for everything.
• Make others aware of your intentions. TAKE YOURSELF SERIOUSLY so they can take you seriously. People will respect you a lot more if they see that you really mean it and aren't just talking smack.
• Anticipate that this is not easy and it's not going to happen overnight. Depending on where we are in our lives, we may fail a couple of times. (Also known as relapse)...and that's okay, as long as we don't make it a habit.
• Get a hobby. Simply put, for a lot of us, drinking IS that hobby. Involve yourself in something that challenges your mind so you're not always thinking about alcohol. Learn a new language, read a book, exercise...

I know that for some of us (myself included) it's about the buzz. It doesn't matter how many calories are in a bottle or how much sugar is packed in...it's all about the attention I get. The bigger the buzz, the better. Despite the fact that I know the health impacts, I know it's not good for me, I still crave that feeling. Truth is, it's a poison. It's an addiction. If we (I) can get a hold of it and tame it, then I can control it to a point where I won't need it anymore.

Thank you for reading. Please continue to check in and see how I'm doing with my challenge. I would love to hear everyone's stories of inspiration, of struggle, of whatever you have to offer.