Say it if it's worth saving me...

I saw a photo someone took of me recently and had to look twice.

I didn't recognize that person at all.

They said they were going to show me the picture, and then opened up to it. I waited. When they didn't select a different one, I thought, why are they showing me this?

Then I saw it. I will show it to you and let you be the judge, but first let me ask you: have you ever been in a situation like this? It's ...scary thinking you have completely lost yourself.

That's it. Thoughts?

Service vs. civilian

It's funny how life in the military is glamorized before we enter it. The things that no one tells us about beforehand...Before you join but after you sign up, you have so many expectations about where you're going to go, what you're going to accomplish, and all the new people you're going to meet. I'm not gonna lie, it's exciting to put these images together.

But then you get out of boot camp and A school and into the real world, aka the fleet. You're on a ship or shore duty if you're lucky, and you're brand new with your boots shined, ready to take on the world. The happiness wears off after a few months, because you finally realize that this world isn't much different from the civilian world...except it is. You wear the same thing every day, see the same people everyday, and do the same thing everyday. You work from 7am until ... God knows when, and once a week (or more) you have to stay overnight on the ship. You can't call into work, getting there is a pain because of traffic, and you can't leave work early to get a jumpstart on the weekend. Hell, sometimes you don't even get a weekend.

Sleeping on board when you're underway (not moored to a pier) is exhausting. Waking up at random hours to stand watch, or sleeping through the night but having to wake up at reville is just as bad...one shower is to be shared between 30+ females, there is no room to move and you have no personal space whatsoever. It's a mess.

There is a plus side, though. All the hours spent on the ship make the hours away from it more enjoyable. We learn to not take time for granted. We make sure the time we spend with our families is enjoyable...even if it's just making breakfast together, sleeping in, or doing whatever. We make it count.

Being married is hard. You hope your other half understands that you love them and would be at home if you could, but this job doesn't permit it.

Funny thing about it is, I like this life. Sometimes. Most of the time. I'm making the best of it because i signed up to do this...so I find ways to enjoy it. :)

Beyond the Myth

I just got done watching a documentary called Beyond the Myth, about the misconception and obvious discrimination against pitbulls (and other dogs, but mostly pits). It was fascinating. I have the trailer below, I strongly encourage everyone to watch it. It's an hour and a half, made in 2010, and it's on Netflix. Totally worth it.

I am appalled at mankind. Watch the movie, form your own opinion. I wish there was more i could do, but I don't know where to start.

Watch the video here.

First challenge completed!

I vowed to drink no alcohol for 30 days. It was hard, but I needed to do it. There were times that I wanted to have a drink (or several) after work because it's SO STRESSFUL, but I refrained. I've said before that my dad was an alcoholic, and the thought of becoming dependent on that scares me. I know that if I had anything to worry about, I wouldn't have lasted 30 days. Hell, I wouldn't have lasted 3 days!

I'm super proud of myself. This months challenge will be to refrain from eating red meat. :) Yay!

Like our parents...

I can't help thinking about where my parents were when they were my age. I think a lot of us compare our lives to theirs, because we want to find some satisfaction in our own successes...or maybe we just want to learn from them, do better, I don't know. I'm 24 and I feel like I've done nothing with my life, but I know that's not true...I just...I don't know, maybe got a late start, if nothing else. In the grand scheme of things, I've done pretty well. I got my associates degree, which I paid for on my own...I moved into my own apartment when I was 19, and lived there for a good 4 years. I've been with the same guy for the past 5 years, and I married him with no doubt in my mind that we were meant for each other. I joined the Navy when I was 23...on one hand I'm glad I did, because I got some life experience in...if I had joined straight out of high school, I wouldn't have the same outlook. On the other hand, joining at 23 means that I spend my day with 18-20 year old little boys, who are not always easy to work with. But, I genuinely love what I do, which is not what I expected.

A lot of people my age have kids. When my mom was my age, she had one son and another on the way. I have two dogs, a budding career, and I'm still considered a newlywed. I dream of having kids all the time...I know I want them someday. But could I handle it now? I don't know. Luckily, there isn't the expectation of the stay at home, always pregnant mom image anymore...women are allowed to be free thinkers, have careers, and start families when they're older. So I'm not under pressure. However, I do want all my children to be born before I'm 30, and I don't want to have them when my metabolism slows down. Maybe that's a selfish thought, I don't know...but frankly, I don't care because it's my body. lol

Why am I saying all this? I think it's to remind myself that just because I'm not a mother, doesn't mean I'm not where I'm supposed to be. It doesn't mean I'm a failure. My time will come and when it does, I'm gonna be even more in love than I am now. I think I'm gonna be a great mom, because I have such high expectations and will know what I do and don't want to teach them. :)

Thoughts?

My unofficially official 30 day challenge

I'm not big on resolutions...to be honest I usually forget the ones I make, if I do make them at all, and if I do, it's always the same: do good in school, grow up, etc.

So instead of resolutions, I am doing challenges. Starting with 30 days, then going to 90, 180, etc. until I make it a year. My first challenge is 30 days of no alcohol. I haven't had a sip since last Saturday, so I haven't made it a week yet, but I also haven't had the desire to drink. So far it's going well. I'll keep updates for the next three weeks as well...and perhaps I'll be feeling better!

Some other 30 day challenges I forsee for myself:

-no caffeine
-no red meat
-no meat at all
-no candy
-morning/evening yoga or tae bo

and I may have small challenges in there too...stay tuned! :)

So many new changes!

As I'm getting settled on my ship in my new life with the navy in San Diego, I have a lot to share for those who actually read this.

Tomorrow, I am signing the lease to D and I's first house. I am so excited. We get to move in on the first of October, shortly before I go underway. D doesn't think he'll like CA because of all the laws and restrictions, but I'm gonna try to change his mind. While I couldn't live here permanently, I do want to make the most of the next 3 and a half years.

Work is going really well. I got my first experience with painting yesterday, me and a shipmate painted half of half of the side of the ship. (Does that make sense? lol) It was fun, we were out there all day, but it went by fast so it didn't feel like forever. I'm taking my BM3 (advancement) test this week, on Thursday the 20th. I'm also going to get 3M and basic DC qualified hopefully by the end of the week. (sorry for using "Navy" terminology, I'm so used to it now...if you want to know what any of that means just ask!)

D and I are finally starting to plan our "formal" wedding. We're thinking August, 2013. The date and other specific details will come later, once we are able to finalize things. It's really exciting, even though we're already legally married, to go through and plan it...I can't wait to wear that white dress in front of my loved ones and get walked down the aisle by the best dad in the world.

There is a certain person in my life who I really, really miss. I guess I should say they're not in my life, because if they were I wouldn't need to miss them. Anyway, we don't talk anymore, and at first I was okay because I figured we were just at different places and really really busy...but now, I feel super lonely. It's pretty bad when you can count on one hand how many friends you have, right? Not true, best friends, but total friends. Yeah...I miss this person. It just ... hurts. I want to let them know that I miss them, but then again, I don't wanna be the one to make the first move because I already kind of did that with no response/result. Sucks. :(

That's it for now I guess, nothing else to report.

Things that I absolutely **cannot** wait for

As always, I've been thinking about the future. My life is about to change pretty dramatically. I'm going to be living in a HUGE city for the next few years which i've obviously never done before. Here are some things I cannot wait for (in no order, of  course)

-Getting married.
-Seeing what life in the fleet is *really* like.
-Having babies.
-Getting my bachelor's degree.
-Seeing the world.
-Living in a big city.

That's it for now. :)

I GOT MY ORDERS!

We're going to San Diego, CA!!!

I have to report no later than 30 Aug 12.

I am SOOOO EXCITED!!!!

My 'review' of boot camp

It's obviously been a while since I've blogged.  For those who don't know, I spent the last 9 weeks in Navy boot camp, also known as RTC in Great Lakes, Illinois. I am currently at my A school for my rate which is boatswain's mate, or BM. Let me tell you about RTC, now that I'm away from it.

Looking back, it was easy, and admittedly, some days were even fun. I was lucky and got some really great RDCs. The first week is known as P-days and it's where you're issued shots and medically cleared for the Navy. I'm not going to sit here and say it didn't suck, because it did. But it wasn't hard. The most difficult part of that particular week was being out of my comfort zone and getting used to having things be a certain way. Oh and of course showering every day with like 50 other women in 5 minutes or less. Once I was cleared, the "fun" began. No more holding up full canteens for 30 minutes as punishment, it was now on to getting IT'd - or as we call it, getting beat. It's short for intensive training - this is where mountain climbers, 8 counts, and other tedious exercises come in. They can beat you for 8 minutes or 8 hours with breaks for chow. At first we got beat all the time...but as time went by they didn't beat us too hard. And I will admit, without those beatings, a lot of us wouldn't have passed our final PFA I'm sure. We tried to make it fun despite that it sucked.  We'd sing Sponge Bob or The Wheels on the Bus (our own rendition, mind you) so that it would make time go by faster..or maybe the RDC's would stop. :)

There was a LOT of marching! Everyday we'd either march or go up some stairs. There was also PT every other day, which I loved. Every Saturday, starting in the third week, I believe, was an event called BASES that was implemented to prepare you for Battlestations (which I can't talk about). Sundays were Holiday Routine...a break from RDCs from about 0700 till 1300. We could write letters, shine boots, and take what we called Hollywood showers, where we got to shave and feel like a woman for a day.

I absolutely HATED bunk drills. We would do them a lot during P-days, sometimes as a learning tool and sometimes as punishment since they couldn't IT us. We would make our racks then strip them, and do it all over again. It was really tedious and time well wasted, in my opinion.

We had lots of uniform inspections too, which meant lots of drills for these inspections. While I appreciated the practice, at the time I hated it because we'd be in full NWUs and have to dress down to our shorts and t shirt to put the same thing back on. (or change into our white t shirt, depending on which inspection it was) Another example of tedious work. Oh well, it helped us pass, so I'll take it.

I'm gonna say the absolute hardest part of boot camp - once I passed my swim test - was working as a team and trying to get along with 50 females. I don't necessarily get along with girls or guys better - in fact I prefer to stay under the radar and just do my job - but it was near impossible to do that in boot camp. Every ten seconds we'd hear a "LOCK IT UP" or something else come from someone in a position of authority. Towards the end we were all so tired of hearing it that I think for a lot of us it went in one ear and out the other...especially since we were also tired of hearing it from the same person who would say it and talk 2 seconds later.

Boot camp overall was easy. I can honestly say that I thought that from the beginning. It started getting even easier around the 6th week, after the majority of the inspections were over and we were prepping for battlestations.

The very last week was the longest of them all. After Battlestations, we shined our boots and read our bluejackets manual. I kid you not when I say that's all we did. But graduation was soo worth it, because I got to see my family and lovely fiancee, so it was worth the wait and frustration.

So anyway, that's my review of the past 8 weeks of my life. Feel free to ask any questions! :)

To do

There is so much I need to do in such a short time. Here's a preview (mainly to keep me from going crazy and forgetting stuff...) in no particular order:

-drink the rest of my Mikes. (I know, priorities. lol)
-pack my bag for a-school.
-work on memorizing the Navy chain of command.
-pack up the majority of my clothes to give to Meghan to take to the church.
-fill out the wedding planner book as much as I can.
-run 1.5 miles timed.
-go through the storage unit.