Now that my husband and I have officially (and by that I mean posted on social media) announced that we are expecting baby number 2, I feel like I can let out all my emotions about it. What better place to do that than right here?
Before I begin, I want to say 2 things: 1, I have always wanted my children close in age, but that doesn't mean I am not scared shitless; 2: Before anyone says "you should have thought about that before you got careless" (or anything to that effect) I was on the pill when this baby was conceived...not that it's any of anyone's business, but I'm throwing it out there anyway.
SO. Two under two. What a shit show. I thought I was nervous when I was pregnant the first time...I was so clueless...had no idea what to expect, didn't know if my "motherly instinct" would ever kick in, and oh my god what if I was terrible at being a mom?
Well, I'll admit that Raylan and I are still learning together, but I do pretty good, for the most part. He is happy, healthy, and I'm pretty damn lucky to be his mommy.
I am scared, though. I'm not worried that I won't love these babies enough, because I know that I was born to be a mom. I am scared for their futures in this world. I am terrified.
You know what scares me the most? To the point of tears? I am scared that someday, Raylan will think that I didn't give him enough love...that this little one came too soon...that it wasn't just him for a while. I am convinced that kids don't have any idea how much their parents love them until they hold their own child. I am so in love with Raylan, my heart could explode. I can't kiss him enough, I can't hold him for long enough, and when he cries it tears me apart. There is nothing I wouldn't do for him. It sounds so cliche, but I don't care. It's so true.
I hope that he and this baby grow up being best friends. Sure they'll have their fights and whatever, but I hope they have eachother's backs. For those who don't know, I'm the youngest and only girl. My oldest (biological) brother is 5 years older than me, but he's always protected me and looked out for me and all that; even when he wasn't physically there. My "middle" brother is 3 years older and we grew up together...we were so close it was almost scary. We'd be so mad at each other for something stupid and then five minutes later I'd be in his room with him watching Dumb and Dumber.
As scared as I am, I am also excited. I get to give double the love, double the hugs and kisses, and I get to watch another one of my babies grow up. Even on the days when I have laundry up to my eyeballs, my kitchen is a mess, and the dogs are following me around and making me almost trip, this is the best life.
My husband followed me as I got to live my dream; he moved with me to a town where we didn't know anybody so I could finish school. He moved down to California while I was active duty...and now, we are home, and its his turn. I get to follow him and support him while he achieves his dreams. At the same time, though, it's allowed me to do what I have always wanted, and that's be a stay at home mom. I'm still getting the hang of it, I have a long way to go, but what's important to me is that my baby(ies) know their worth and they know they're loved.
SO. Two under two....bring it on!
I don't know the gender of the one I'm carrying yet....so stay tuned!
xoxo
Before I begin, I want to say 2 things: 1, I have always wanted my children close in age, but that doesn't mean I am not scared shitless; 2: Before anyone says "you should have thought about that before you got careless" (or anything to that effect) I was on the pill when this baby was conceived...not that it's any of anyone's business, but I'm throwing it out there anyway.
SO. Two under two. What a shit show. I thought I was nervous when I was pregnant the first time...I was so clueless...had no idea what to expect, didn't know if my "motherly instinct" would ever kick in, and oh my god what if I was terrible at being a mom?
Well, I'll admit that Raylan and I are still learning together, but I do pretty good, for the most part. He is happy, healthy, and I'm pretty damn lucky to be his mommy.
I am scared, though. I'm not worried that I won't love these babies enough, because I know that I was born to be a mom. I am scared for their futures in this world. I am terrified.
You know what scares me the most? To the point of tears? I am scared that someday, Raylan will think that I didn't give him enough love...that this little one came too soon...that it wasn't just him for a while. I am convinced that kids don't have any idea how much their parents love them until they hold their own child. I am so in love with Raylan, my heart could explode. I can't kiss him enough, I can't hold him for long enough, and when he cries it tears me apart. There is nothing I wouldn't do for him. It sounds so cliche, but I don't care. It's so true.
I hope that he and this baby grow up being best friends. Sure they'll have their fights and whatever, but I hope they have eachother's backs. For those who don't know, I'm the youngest and only girl. My oldest (biological) brother is 5 years older than me, but he's always protected me and looked out for me and all that; even when he wasn't physically there. My "middle" brother is 3 years older and we grew up together...we were so close it was almost scary. We'd be so mad at each other for something stupid and then five minutes later I'd be in his room with him watching Dumb and Dumber.
As scared as I am, I am also excited. I get to give double the love, double the hugs and kisses, and I get to watch another one of my babies grow up. Even on the days when I have laundry up to my eyeballs, my kitchen is a mess, and the dogs are following me around and making me almost trip, this is the best life.
My husband followed me as I got to live my dream; he moved with me to a town where we didn't know anybody so I could finish school. He moved down to California while I was active duty...and now, we are home, and its his turn. I get to follow him and support him while he achieves his dreams. At the same time, though, it's allowed me to do what I have always wanted, and that's be a stay at home mom. I'm still getting the hang of it, I have a long way to go, but what's important to me is that my baby(ies) know their worth and they know they're loved.
SO. Two under two....bring it on!
I don't know the gender of the one I'm carrying yet....so stay tuned!
xoxo
Great Story, Love It.. Inspired! You Gonna Love This XoXo
ReplyDeleteI wanted mine close together to and my boys where and I didn't know if or when I would have another one and when the day came that I found out I was pregnant with you not only was I excited but I was scared as well and had the same thoughts you scared I would not be giving my boys enough love and wanting the baby I was carrying to be a girl and at the time being a single mother and people saying to me you already have two do you really think you need another one.Well I didn't listen to them. I went though some hard times and we fought though it all and I made mistakes along the way but learned from them,but though it all I loved my babies.I see you with Raylan and I can see the 💖 you have for him and when he see you I see the same look in his eyes,He will 💖 this baby just remember that if you are holding the baby and Raylan wants 💖 let him know you have two arms and can snuggle him to but also there will be times that you will set aside to just have your special raylan mamma time never loose those those and you will have those with the baby as well.You are an awesome momma and I am so proud of you ad always they will also have there disagreements but I can see Raylan being very protetive at the same time.I'm glad you got to live your dream and I'm glad you get to be a stay at home mom that is really important,and I'm really glad you are all home and closer to family cause grandma is ready to give more 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💋💋💋💋💋💋 and hugs I'm always here when you need me
ReplyDeleteI wanted mine close together to and my boys where and I didn't know if or when I would have another one and when the day came that I found out I was pregnant with you not only was I excited but I was scared as well and had the same thoughts you scared I would not be giving my boys enough love and wanting the baby I was carrying to be a girl and at the time being a single mother and people saying to me you already have two do you really think you need another one.Well I didn't listen to them. I went though some hard times and we fought though it all and I made mistakes along the way but learned from them,but though it all I loved my babies.I see you with Raylan and I can see the 💖 you have for him and when he see you I see the same look in his eyes,He will 💖 this baby just remember that if you are holding the baby and Raylan wants 💖 let him know you have two arms and can snuggle him to but also there will be times that you will set aside to just have your special raylan mamma time never loose those those and you will have those with the baby as well.You are an awesome momma and I am so proud of you ad always they will also have there disagreements but I can see Raylan being very protetive at the same time.I'm glad you got to live your dream and I'm glad you get to be a stay at home mom that is really important,and I'm really glad you are all home and closer to family cause grandma is ready to give more 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💋💋💋💋💋💋 and hugs I'm always here when you need me
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