Dear You

You wrote me a poem. I used to be a poet, but this is how I express myself now. So here's my response.

Imagine thinking everything is fine. Then one day, your world comes crashing down. A few days prior, you are told to treat your brother and his wife as one. A unit. That's what you ultimately become when you're married, so you get it. It's all good. You are also told to basically assume that what she says is what he means. I guess that makes sense, considering he's always been shy and she is much more assertive/aggressive in her speech. That, too, you can respect. It's all good.

Then you receive a text from her. It says, in a nutshell, 'fuck you, you don't deserve to be an aunt.' She thinks you told someone 'everything' that you weren't supposed to. You didn't, but since a) you've been down this road before and b) she says she doesn't care to hear from you, you don't fight it. You just break down...at the beginning of your shift at work. Then, a fight with your brother ensues. Almost overnight, you lost him. He knew about the text. No apology. No explanation. No fighting for me (that, I'm used to, but I expected more from him). Nothing. Just another man who was in my life and let me down. Oh, and did I mention, you brought this on yourself? You started everything?

So. My heart is broken. I'm good at handling breakups. I don't cry. That's how I'm trying to handle this. But obviously this is different, because we're family. I want to cry every day. But I don't. I want to rip out my hair because I don't know what to do. I want to yell and scream and tell her EXACTLY how I feel but I can't. It makes me sick to accept that this is our fate.

Here's the truth. You read it here first.

I didn't start this. I was in Bellingham when everything first started. You know what started it? Assumptions. Not on my family's part. On her's. I heard about everything every time I came home from Bellingham because they think I want to be kept in the loop. If everything's settled, I could care less. But I realize that nothing can be settled...because he wants it to be forgotten, and she brings it up. Every.fucking.time. When something was settled, the cycle would begin again. Ugh, I don't even know what to say.

I didn't tell my brother anything. I did, however, say something about her father not liking my step dad to the general population of the house, (which includes my step dad and mom) and he may have been told or overheard or something. But my step dad already knew that, because he could sense it at the wedding (and he's not a dumbass). I don't like keeping secrets from my family when it involves people they hardly know not liking them for no good reason other than what they've heard from their kid... What's funny is that it's okay for one of them to go to her father, but if I wanted to go to my mother or my brother (who is an involved party) or a complete unbiased person, I get heat for it. It's a huge double standard and I'm tired of it.

IT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER IF SOMEONE ALREADY KNOWS WHAT YOU'RE ABOUT TO TELL THEM!!

She is, unfortunately, the type of person who thinks she knows everything. She is very opinionated, which is fine, except she thinks that her opinion equals the truth. (It doesn't.)

It hurts to say it because I love my brother so much. I really want(ed)(?) to like her. But...