Things I didn't expect about being a (boy) mom

I was telling my husband the other day how I didn't imagine having a boy could be so much fun. I've been a mom for over a year now, and I learn something new every single day. I got lucky with Raylan, he's truly perfect. I was scared at first about having a boy... I didn't know how I would relate to him, I didn't know if he'd be fun, but oh my was I wrong!

First things first, boy clothes are SO cute! I have the best time putting outfits together everyday. However, some days he doesn't wear clothes and that's fine, too! We'll just play while he crawls around in a diaper. I had no idea that there were so many options for boys and that I would have so much fun with it.

Just like there's a tupperware lid and sock bandit in the adult world, there's a binkie, bottle, and bib bandit in the baby world. I have seriously lost so many of those things, I literally have NO idea where they end up.

So many things didn't go as I expected. First was breastfeeding...I thought I'd be able to, but it didn't work out. There is NOTHING WRONG with formula feeding!!! A FED BABY IS A HAPPY BABY. FED IS BEST.

On that note, I find it SO hard to not compare him to babies his age. Yes, he's on the smaller side. No, he's not walking on his own yet. He is growing and learning every single day though, and THAT is what matters. People say that babies do things on their own time, and that is so true. He will walk when he's ready, thanks. I hate feeling discouraged when I see babies younger than him walking but I have to remember that each baby is different.

Being a stay at home mom is harder than I thought, but I mean it in the best way and I am so grateful. I wouldn't give it up for anything! I left the hotel in June, and since then it's been non stop. The difference between this "job" and a "regular" job is that this one truly is 24/7. It's not just about taking care of the baby...it's about taking care of the house, the husband, and of course myself. My brain never shuts off. I am constantly thinking about things I need to get at the store, fun things to do with Raylan, how I'm ever going to get into a routine of keeping up the house, doing adult things with my husband (because that's sooo important, too...we cannot neglect our marriage...that's what got us to be parents, after all!) It's seriously the best job I've ever had though. Luckily, I get paid for being a reservist and going to school, but even without that, it's the most rewarding experience.

I know there are more things that belong on this list. Please feel free to comment below with things I have probably thought of but are escaping me now! Stay tuned for next time! :) 

2 under 2

Now that my husband and I have officially (and by that I mean posted on social media) announced that we are expecting baby number 2, I feel like I can let out all my emotions about it. What better place to do that than right here?

Before I begin, I want to say 2 things: 1, I have always wanted my children close in age, but that doesn't mean I am not scared shitless; 2: Before anyone says "you should have thought about that before you got careless" (or anything to that effect) I was on the pill when this baby was conceived...not that it's any of anyone's business, but I'm throwing it out there anyway.

SO. Two under two. What a shit show. I thought I was nervous when I was pregnant the first time...I was so clueless...had no idea what to expect, didn't know if my "motherly instinct" would ever kick in, and oh my god what if I was terrible at being a mom?

Well, I'll admit that Raylan and I are still learning together, but I do pretty good, for the most part. He is happy, healthy, and I'm pretty damn lucky to be his mommy.

I am scared, though. I'm not worried that I won't love these babies enough, because I know that I was born to be a mom. I am scared for their futures in this world. I am terrified.

You know what scares me the most? To the point of tears? I am scared that someday, Raylan will think that I didn't give him enough love...that this little one came too soon...that it wasn't just him for a while. I am convinced that kids don't have any idea how much their parents love them until they hold their own child. I am so in love with Raylan, my heart could explode. I can't kiss him enough, I can't hold him for long enough, and when he cries it tears me apart. There is nothing I wouldn't do for him. It sounds so cliche, but I don't care. It's so true.

I hope that he and this baby grow up being best friends. Sure they'll have their fights and whatever, but I hope they have eachother's backs. For those who don't know, I'm the youngest and only girl. My oldest (biological) brother is 5 years older than me, but he's always protected me and looked out for me and all that; even when he wasn't physically there. My "middle" brother is 3 years older and we grew up together...we were so close it was almost scary. We'd be so mad at each other for something stupid and then five minutes later I'd be in his room with him watching Dumb and Dumber.

As scared as I am, I am also excited. I get to give double the love, double the hugs and kisses, and I get to watch another one of my babies grow up. Even on the days when I have laundry up to my eyeballs, my kitchen is a mess, and the dogs are following me around and making me almost trip, this is the best life.

My husband followed me as I got to live my dream; he moved with me to a town where we didn't know anybody so I could finish school. He moved down to California while I was active duty...and now, we are home, and its his turn. I get to follow him and support him while he achieves his dreams. At the same time, though, it's allowed me to do what I have always wanted, and that's be a stay at home mom. I'm still getting the hang of it, I have a long way to go, but what's important to me is that my baby(ies) know their worth and they know they're loved.

SO. Two under two....bring it on!
I don't know the gender of the one I'm carrying yet....so stay tuned!

xoxo